All For Her
by liveandlove1989
Summary: She's a monster. A sick, twisted soul that deserves nothing. Yet, she can't stop herself. Nothing works. And the one person she needs to get away from, she can't. She's trapped, but does she really want to escape? [Rated M for violence and a lot of self harm. Later incest. Modern AU]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Oh gosh guys haha. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a bit but it was because of a multitude of things. Honestly, only a few of them were bad. The rest... awesome haha.

Someone really inspired me to write something, and this ended up being the product. So, give it a shot okay? I know it's not the best but I don't have much time for reediting or anything right now.

Thanks guys! Can't wait to get started on the next chapter as well! - _Sara_

 _P.S.: Oh, I want to apologize for the kind of morbid aura around this whole thing. It just kinda happened._

* * *

Broken glass, each piece a scream of pain and anguished memories.

Blood, a sea of crimson that begged reprieve from already mutilated flesh.

Tears, the salty substance that cascaded aching cheeks.

Her sobs ripped from an already raw throat, loud pleas for something she couldn't have.

And no one was there to help.

She choked on her own cries and blinked back black dots from her vision. With wrists that stung and a head that felt close to splitting, she slipped into the tub.

Her feet were bleeding, the shattered shards digging into her soft soles. But the pain was the only thing she was holding on to anymore.

The porcelain was freezing as she settled down, her bare skin tingling in protest. She ignored it, though.

It wasn't the worst feeling. And she was used to the cold. She dwelt within the cold.

It was the only home she'd ever known. The only home when she was accepted.

Eyelids fluttered shut as she breathed in, her abused lungs catching the breath only halfheartedly.

Every bit of her felt the same. Legs were rubber, arms were useless. Eyes burned and lips felt heavy.

It was like a bad dream, or maybe something worse.

All she knew, was she wanted it to end. She needed it to. She didn't deserve this life.

She knew it had been a mistake, the day she was conceived. Everyone said differently, but she knew it.

What she felt wasn't normal. What she thought wasn't okay. What she did...

She hopelessly flailed her hand out in search of the blade. She needed it now. Always needed it.

The knife was out of reach though. Many of those shards were too dull to cause much damage.

So she was forced to half lay, half sit, letting cold blood trickle down onto her bare stomach from her slit wrists as she crossed them over herself.

It was almost black, she noticed. Like some bad entity finally escaping her body.

Too bad that bad entity was what was sustaining her. Too bad there was no way to undo this.

And away the world dropped. Away went everything she believed, everything she loved, everything she hated. Everything she had hoped.

Away went she.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Okay, so that it's fair, I won't be doing an author's note for every chapter. You guys should know by now I want reviews and comments :P

Thank all of you who read the last chapter and I hope you keep up with. Any questions you have can be answered!

Thanks guys! - _Sara_

* * *

She awoke to the sounds of beeping. Slow, steady. Right by her ears.

It was all blurry. The white walls and ceiling intermingled into a fuzzy haze of non-clarity.

And everything hurt.

That was the first thing she realized when her body registered consciousness. The pain.

She tried to breath but found a weight on her chest. It pushed and pushed, harder and harder, until her lungs refused to work.

She was choking, the agony in her bosom too great to handle.

The beeping intensified, her muscles jerked uncontrollably.

And then a voice, that of an angel, right by her side.

"Elsa...please...stay..."

It was all she heard through the ringing in her head, seeing nothing through the blackness of her eyelids as they fluttered shut.

Sounds of rushing, of multiple people. She heard them trying to keep her stable.

And then nothing.

* * *

Again the endless span of white greeted her sore, stinging eyes. But this time it was different.

The beeping was still there, as was the uncomfortable structure she lay upon, but this time she felt she wasn't alone.

She took a deep breath, the first she had in what felt like forever. There wasn't a catch, just a shakiness.

She couldn't feel anything. Not numb, but not pained.

And then the warmth of a soft hand met hers. Smaller, timid almost as it clutched at her. Trying to pull her forth from her mind and the darkness that dwelt there.

She did her best to strain her neck, but her head only turned part way. She was so very stiff from doing nothing more that lying there.

And she was greeting with the one person she thought she'd never see again.

The one person she wished... No, she _did_ want to see her. She just couldn't.

But teal eyes bore into her, making her unable to look away.

Teal eyes that screamed pain. Tear streaked cheeks that wished to be wiped clean. A shattered soul that begged for reasoning.

"Elsa..." The word was a ghost over her lips, lips that quivered as they strained desperately to call out.

Elsa had never seen such a look before. Except on her own self. It didn't belong on Anna.

It didn't belong on the one person she loved more than life. The one person she would sell her soul for.

It didn't belong on such an amazing human being.

Which was why she was here. Or wanted not to be.

To give Anna what she so rightfully deserved. A life without her in it, without the pain.

A life that was free.


	3. Chapter 3

That gentle hand holding her own squeezed once more. It was trying to keep her there, though she felt the exhaustion settling in.

So much sleep, but her body was not yet ready for anything. She felt her lashes drooping.

"Why?..."

It was the one question she wished to God she'd never have to explain.

But the urgency and anger in Anna's vocals snapped her back. She saw a fire in those glistening eyes.

So much she wanted to say. So much needed to be said. But she couldn't.

She wouldn't.

So instead she turned her face away from the petite redhead, focusing instead on the heart rate monitor.

A steady, even rhythm. A rhythm that should have stopped.

Who had found it? Had it... Had it been Anna?

No, the idea was too much. She shut it out. Anna should never see her like that.

Anna saw what her sister was doing though. She forced back all the sobs that engulfed her chest and placed her hand on Elsa's chin.

Elsa was startled by the contact, but said nothing as her face was turned. Instead, she looked longingly at the sister she didn't deserve.

How could such a monster as herself be blessed with such a wonder as the younger of the two?

"I love you..." she croaked out, and if she could she would have cried. But her body was just too fatigued for such an action.

Her throat was raw, she realized, as she tried to swallow to stop the ache.

Anna's tears increased, and she pulled away to sob into her hands.

Elsa wanted to ease what she had caused. She wanted to hold Anna and tell her everything was okay.

But instead she was forced to watch her baby sister suffer. And that broke her heart more than anything she'd ever known.

Anna didn't know. She couldn't. Elsa had sworn to take that one secret, the largest of them all, with her to the grave.

Death just wasn't getting there fast enough.

"I... love you, too..." the redhead managed somehow, but made no attempt to reach for her sister's hand again as her own lowered.

A red, puffy face was revealed, and Elsa internally screamed in pure hopelessness.

A knock was suddenly at the door, causing both girls to jump.

In stepped a young man, right out of medical he looked. He smiled from ear to ear when he saw the elder sister was awake.

"Ms Henders, I'm so pleased to see you up at last." Elsa heard not what he droned on next, for her eyes drifted back to Anna.

She was shocked to find that same person looking right at her in return.

A look she'd never seen before crossed the girl's features, somewhere between remorse and a darker, deceiving flash of something illegible, something sinister.

It scared Elsa. It excited her.

And she couldn't look away.


	4. Chapter 4

She was released from that bland, dreary room soon after. But not before being assigned a counselor for depression.

The woman was so damn boring though. It was nothing Elsa hadn't heard before.

Of course she knew depression was a serious thing. Of course she knew suicide wasn't something to mess with.

She was grateful when she was told she could go home. Until they said it had to be with Anna. She had to be monitored after all.

Anna wouldn't look her in the eye as they signed out. She didn't even look up from the pavement as the two walked to her tiny convertible.

It was worse when they were in said car though.

Anna didn't utter a single word, and the silence that hung over the two could only be described as suffocating.

Elsa wanted so badly to break it, but nothing seemed right. How was she supposed to convince her sibling that her decision had been the right one?

Of course she couldn't. Anna would never believe that. She loved her sister more than anything, far too much to believe there was no other option.

The drive was a short one. They went straight there, and Anna drove at a crazy speed that made Elsa clutch at the car door handle a few times just in case.

But they were both alive and safe when the car came to a stop in the small, narrow driveway.

Elsa felt a sickness in her gut when she looked up at the house. It had been their parents house.

Had been.

With a click, the door unlocked. Warm air greeted them, wafting over them and contrasting to the slight chill outside.

They dropped their stuff by the door, Anna walked away without a word still. Elsa hated it, but couldn't say a word either.

Instead, she turned her attention to the stairs. And her room.

It had been nearly four years since she'd been back here. Her apartment was never home, but it was easier than this.

It was easier than dealing with reality.

Her room, right across from Anna's, was untouched.

The door swung in gently, and the dreary dark blue of her wallpaper greeted her.

The bed was made, what clothes she hadn't taken were put up. It was clean as she'd kept it when she was here.

A lump formed in the back of her throat, hard to swallow past. She couldn't step through the door frame.

Instead, she walked away as the door swung shut behind her. Her attention turned to the kitchen.

Door the stairs, each step heavier than the last, until finally her feet rested on the last one.

Anna was waiting. Their eyes met, and Elsa had never seen such a dejected look on her sister's features.

She had to look away. And force the words out, words that only could be considered whispers.

"We... We have to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

Silence as they sat side by side on the the coach. Close enough to feel the tenseness of each other, not close enough to touch.

Anna fidgeted; she never had been good at staying still. Elsa was rigid, unnervingly so.

It was Anna to speak up first, voice low and unsteady. "W-why?" It was the same question from the hospital.

But this time, Elsa could answer.

Years of hiding had helped her to learn control. She was unflinching as she voiced her reasoning.

"Because I couldn't take it anymore."

Such a simple explanation, too simple.

"What the hell couldn't you take, Elsa?" The redhead's voice broke on her name.

Elsa couldn't look at her sister. She felt that piercing gaze but couldn't return it, fearing she'd break down.

"Everything. Nothing. I don't know."

There was real emotion in that response though; Elsa wanted to open up.

She just didn't know how any longer.

Anna didn't know how to respond. She'd never imagined she'd have this conversation. Let alone with her own sister.

"It was a mistake," Elsa at last muttered. Four words, but Anna swore there was so much more the blonde wanted to say.

She just couldn't yet.

The silence buzzed in their ears like a thousand tiny insects. Neither could bring themselves to force them back though.

"You know I'm always here, Elsa... I care."

Elsa made no attempt to respond, and the redhead felt a mixture of sadness and anger.

She wanted her sister back. The sister that had read with her in the middle of the night. That had held her after a nightmare. That had believed in the good around her.

What had happened to that Elsa?

Four years with little more than phone calls and an occasional get together. Elsa had only briefly came to their parents funeral.

It was like she'd shut herself off from the world. And that included Anna.

Even the redhead couldn't get her darling sister to open up any longer.

And it was killing her. She needed Elsa, the old Elsa back. Things weren't good for her either.

But she swore to herself she wouldn't push. Elsa needed understanding right now, not confrontations.

"How long are you staying here?" she asked, quietly.

Elsa shrugged, hands clenching in her lap. Anna watched the knuckles turn unnaturally white.

"I don't know. Not long."

She had known that that would be the answer. And yet it still hurt, more than it should have.

She felt the almost uncontrollable urge to reach over and take her sister's hands in her own.

Anna switched her position, bringing her legs up onto the couch and tucking them under her body.

"I love you," she said at last. She needed her sister to know that.

Elsa's facade flickered only a moment, a look of almost pain before ice cold once more.

"And I love you."


	6. Chapter 6

A crisp breeze greeted her. The trees surrounding her did nothing to block its icy clutches.

Elsa shuddered, wondering why the cold was affecting her this way. It normally did nothing to her person.

If the blond was cold, Anna was frigid. She shuddered and pulled her too big hoodie closer to her body.

Why were they out here?

Simple.

They were camping. Anna had thought Elsa needed some time away from everything. So this had been the solution.

A terrible one at that.

"How much further? I thought we set up camp back there," Anna whined, pointing to the left.

Elsa frowned and scratched her head. Truth be told, she was lost. But she'd never admit it.

"No, it's right up this way. Just past those dense trees," she muttered, motioning to the far distance.

But Anna saw the uncertainty flash over the elder's face. She groaned and fell to her knees dramatically.

"We're hopelessly lost. We're going to starve, or be eaten by bears, or freeze to death."

Elsa rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Stop, Anna. You're being melodramatic. I know exactly where we are."

"Then why did you look like you were going to cry when your phone died?"

A heat ran over the older's neck and she shot daggers at her sister. "I wasn't about to cry. I was just annoyed because with my phone went my map."

"Uh huh," Anna muttered, shifting so she was sitting on the cold earth.

Elsa sighed and ran a hand through her loose hair, pushing it away from her eyes.

"Look, it'll be okay. Isn't this what you wanted, some quality bonding time?"

"Yes, but not like this."

The two lapsed into an unnerving quiet, both gazing out into the trees and trying to think. Another breeze picked up.

It was Anna who finally spoke up, though her voice was so quiet it was nearly lost with the wind.

"I'm sorry."

Elsa shrugged and crouched down next to her sibling. She raised a hand and sat it on the redhead's soft hair, patting affectionately.

"No worries. We just need to backtrack one more time. I think we should have taken a left..."

"No, that's not why I'm sorry."

The blond's brow furrowed, looking into swirling teal. "Oh? Then why?"

The younger sibling had to look away, couldn't keep her gaze level with such an intense stare. "For dragging us out here in general."

A moment's pause. And then Elsa laughed.

It was pure, it carried slightly, and it broke all the tension surrounding the sisters.

"Dummy," she mumbled when at last she was able to speak.

Anna stared at her with visible shock, not realizing just how much she'd missed her sisters giggles until then.

Elsa huffed and stood, shoving her hands into her pockets. "I don't care about that, Anna. I'm just glad to be here with you."


	7. Chapter 7

Anna had been right. Elsa was embarrassed and slightly annoyed when it turned out she'd been wrong about the camp site.

As soon as they slipped into the one tent, Anna tossed her sister the portable charger she'd packed. Elsa looked at her skeptically.

"I thought you brought this for you. You said yourself, you can't live without your phone."

Anna shrugged. "Well, we'll be leaving tomorrow right? So I won't really need it."

"What? But you said you loved camping."

"I know, but my boyfriend texted me and-"

That was all the blonde heard though.

Boyfriend?

It shouldn't have, but it sent a jolt of pain through her. Of course Anna was in a relationship. She was young and beautiful, but...

It still hurt like Hell to actually hear.

"Boyfriend?" the elder asked tentatively, not trusting herself enough to glance over at her sister.

"Yeah," and Elsa heard the smile in her vocals. "Hans. You can meet him tomorrow if you want."

Meet him? How could she? She'd only hate him for taking Anna from her...

But Anna wasn't hers to begin with.

"Sure," Elsa forced out, hooking the charger to her phone with shaking hands. "I'd love to."

* * *

She stared at the man, his emerald eyes burning into her. Those thin lips curled in the most sickening smile.

He was a redhead as well, shades brighter than Anna's. Elsa hated it, as well as other things.

The way he held himself when he strode. The way he smirked at _her_ Anna. The way he sneered at Elsa.

But she was polite. She smiled. She listened to their stories.

Almost a year.

Anna was happy.

They were in love.

It killed Elsa. She had to force herself to stay together.

She fought glaring when Hans' hand would rest on Anna's thigh. She looked the other way when they'd kiss.

But she couldn't get away.

Not when Anna begged with childlike eyes, when the redhead would promise a reward for staying and being courteous.

If only she knew just what it was Elsa wanted.

If she did, she'd leave. She'd pack up and head out to stay with Hans in his hotel.

And there was no need to question what would be happening in that room.

But Elsa couldn't think of that. It ruined the innocence she always associated with her dear sister.

That innocence was needed. It kept the older of the two from coming clean.

So she kept reminding herself to be polite. She bit her tongue when Hans said something she didn't like.

And she smiled. A fake smile, but required.

Anna deserved that at least.

And when Hans finally stood to leave, Elsa accompanied him to the door. They shared a curt nod, and Elsa said one thing.

"It was a pleasure meeting you. You seem to make Anna so happy."

It didn't matter that it broke her.


	8. Chapter 8

Her room had never felt more like a cell.

As she laid beneath the sheets, staring up at a ceiling she wished would collapse in on her, she let silent tears leave trails down her face.

It was all she could do to keep from sobbing like the broke soul she was.

It must have been three, four in the morning. She hadn't slept at all.

And her wrists stung.

Anna had been so cautious. She'd put up everything sharp, like Elsa was a child.

But the elder wasn't stupid. One of the knives from the kitchen surely wouldn't be missed.

She hadn't cut deep enough to lead back to the hospital. Just enough to see the crimson flow.

To feel something other than this ache within.

It had worked, but not for long. Now she felt... Wrong.

She shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be a burden for Anna. Anna was happy, didn't need Elsa's miserable existence fucking it up.

And yet if she left, it would only hurt the redhead worse.

Did she really want to die?

At the moment it felt like it, but whenever she was with her sister, she felt brighter. Sick, but happy.

Was it so wrong to want Anna's company? If nothing more, she wanted her sister.

Elsa laughed lightly at the situation, a twisted laugh that caught in her throat and turned into a sob.

She balled the top sheet up in her fist and closed her eyes, the moonlight dancing in her vision.

Other than that, it was dark. It was... peaceful.

* * *

"Elsa?" The voice was so faint that for a moment, she thought it was her imagination.

But then a hand gripped hers, and her eyes slowly opened.

A small smile pulled at Anna's lips, the bright sunlight making the water drops in her washed hair dazzle.

Elsa must have fallen asleep. Because she was certainly waking to an angel.

"Anna?" she murmured, raising her free hand to rub sleep from her eyes.

The smile widened, and then... vanished. For a moment, there was nothing but shock. And then the emotion was unreadable.

Elsa watched with confusion, grogginess fogging her head. What was that look for?

"Those are new, aren't they?" There was no feeling, just a question.

For a split second, Elsa had no earthly idea what this was about. And then...

She jerked up, surprising Anna, and hugged herself, face falling down. No, Anna couldn't look upon the gashes on her forearms.

Silence, neither knowing what to say.

And then Anna sighed and sat on the bed without permission. She shook her head.

"Do they hurt?"

It took a moment, the blonde couldn't answer immediately.

Then, "No. Yes. I don't know."

The redhead nodded and suddenly lunged at her sister. The two fell back on the bed, Elsa in shock.

"Please... Don't do it again..."

It was a whisper, but it was clear.


	9. Chapter 9

A light rain fell from above, from a sky of swirling navies and grays. The drops landed without care, no destination.

Elsa watched them silently from her window seat, the gentle rocking of the car the only anchor keeping her in reality.

Up front, Anna chatted away with one of her friends, Olaf. A sweet kid, a year or so younger than the redhead.

About what, Elsa hadn't the slightest idea.

Since picking up Olaf, she had chosen to remain quiet and simply lose herself in her own thoughts. It was comfortable. Familiar.

Until they started mentioning her.

"So, you're Anna's sister, huh?" Olaf asked her.

For a moment, she chose to ignore him, but Anna cleared her throat as if to chide her.

"Yeah." It was an answer after all, right?

"Oh, cool. I'm an only child, but that never bothered me."

An end to a conversation just barely began, Elsa was grateful when Anna started on about some girl Olaf might like.

The blonde rested her forehead to the fogging glass, sighing against it. How much longer would this go on?

"Elsa, do you want me to drop you off at the house or would you like to come with us?" Anna asked, looking back in the mirror.

A shrug was her answer, but then, "Depends. Where are you going?"

When she glanced up she thought she saw a flash of disappointment on Anna's face, but for which reason she couldn't be sure.

"A party. Well, not really. More a get together."

Elsa winced. If there was one thing she absolutely couldn't stand, it was a crowd of people.

"Okay," she instead answered though, biting her tongue.

What would be the harm?

* * *

Could a person be any more uncomfortable?

Elsa sat on the back porch, the only place it seemed people didn't want to come. It was because of the rain, but she didn't mind the slow falling water.

She watched the sun as it began its descend, lighting up the sky with vibrant pinks and oranges, swirling and splashing out onto the blue.

And then there was someone there with her.

She didn't notice at first when a small figure stepped up to her, but she heard the faint footfall.

"Hey," a feminine voice said quietly, walking forward further into the rain.

Elsa turned her head only slightly and nodded. "Hi."

It was a brunette, hazel eyed woman no older than her. Gentle features, a warm, inviting smile.

"Why are you out here all alone?" she asked, in that same quiet and peaceful tone.

"I'm not good with crowds."

"Mm, I understand. I'm the same."

Elsa studied the woman when she turned from her. She had a thin frame, maybe an inch or so shorter than the blonde.

She was beautiful though. Elsa certainly couldn't deny that.

The brunette suddenly turned back, catching her off guard when she offered a hand.

"I'm Belle."


	10. Chapter 10

It engulfed her, swallowed all her fear, her hope. It surrounded her.

It was ice cold, yet it scolded her skin like flames.

So dark, too dark to see. She felt only the shivering of her bones, scream of her skin.

Nothing else made sense.

Elsa pleaded with darkness, yelling in utter terror. It listened.

The scene faded away, as did all feeling. She was numb when her feet touched grass.

A park? The sounds of laughing children and dogs barking droned in the background.

But here, eyes only fell onto Anna.

She was sitting cross-legged on a wide blanket, a basket by her knee. A picnic.

Elsa's feet moved to their own mind, taking her forward without her wishing for the direction.

And then she was before the redhead, and she kneeled down slowly.

Anna looked up at her with sheer joy, a smile nearly splitting her bright face in two.

"I thought you'd never get here!"

And then she did something purely spontaneous and unexpected. She leaned in.

Elsa's body responded, a hand raising to cup the young woman's cheek as their lips met.

But her mind, as if outside the body, just shut down. She felt she _was_ outside herself, only watching this scene unfold.

Anna pulled away and giggled, the sound making Elsa's heart race. Whatever was happening...

Why the hell did it have to be in her head? Why couldn't she really do this with the one woman she'd loved since they were children?

Because it was sick. Because if anyone found out... It was illegal here. It was unorthodox.

It was _disgusting_.

She felt her stomach reel, and as if controlled by her emotion, the scene changed.

Not changed, just darkened.

Suddenly Anna was staring at her with dead eyes. No smile.

And there was this feeling... Elsa turned to see who was there.

No.

NO.

It... was her parents...

They stared at their eldest daughter with shock and revulsion. Oh god... Had they witnessed?

Elsa opened her mouth to speak, but it wasn't her who got the first word in.

"Why?"

Elsa's head snapped around, and a gasp caught in her throat as she stared at tear streaks flowing down her sibling's face.

She once again began to answer, but now her father spoke up.

"Elsa... What the hell did you do to her?"

Elsa fervently shook her head, standing so fast she nearly tripped. "I-I..."

Her voice was so weak as a tyrant of words came gushing at her.

"You freak-"

"Oh gods, what did we do wrong?"

"What the fuck _are_ you?"

"She trusted you-"

Elsa covered her ears, slamming her eyes shut.

It only worsened everything.

Everyone's face flashed beneath her eyelids, family, friends. They all held a look of abhorrence or rage. And they all yelled in her ears.

Until she fell to her knees and screamed.

And then it was eerily silent. And everything disappeared.


	11. Chapter 11

She couldn't breath without sobbing.

The sounds of the night should have been soothing. The cool air should have relaxed her.

Yet it all seemed against her at the moment.

The thing was, she wasn't crying because she hurt, or the dream had scared her.

She was crying because she felt absolutely nothing.

There was no anger or terror. There was only a rushing emptiness.

She knew that just across the hall lay Anna. She could easily get up and confront the younger sibling. She could do something regrettable.

But she wouldn't.

Instead she turned on her side, gazing out into the darkness. She wiped at the tears, counting each second that passed.

She made it to three, four hundred before her eyelids drooped once more.

She didn't fight it, simply gave in. Nothing could be worse than what she just saw.

She drifted off back to sleep.

* * *

Anna seemed to notice the change in her sister immediately.

Breakfast passed the next morning with little more than 'hellos', lunch the same.

Elsa wouldn't look at her, wouldn't speak to her unless it was vague. She wouldn't come near the redhead.

Elsa had good reason.

Because she now wasn't even ashamed. And if she so much as looked at her sister wrong, said something wrong...

It would all be over.

She couldn't risk that.

The shame was still there of course, beneath her skin. She felt it trying to win out, yet the same feeling of desolation pushed it all away.

It was driving her insane, little by little, though she didn't realize it.

At last Anna confronted her. They were in the living room, Elsa posed on the first step as her name was called.

She didn't even glance back.

"Yes?"

Anna bit her lip, wondering how to go about this. What if her sister shut her out yet again?

"Are you okay, Elsa? You seem... off today."

Elsa didn't react. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."

Anna fidgeted in place and brought a hand up to twirl her braid.

"Are you sure? If there's anything I can do-"

"I'm sure, thank you," Elsa interrupted.

Anna wanted to say more, but before she got the chance Elsa was heading upstairs. She just watched her sister go.

* * *

Elsa needed to get away.

Whatever this was... It wasn't good. She was losing herself.

For several minutes she paced without realizing it. Then she sat heavily on her bed and stared out the window.

It was a beautiful day. A day to go out and have some fun.

Ha, how long had it been since Elsa had had "fun"? Did she even remember what the word meant?

Minutes ticked by as she sat there.

And then she got an idea.

She needed to get away from Anna, yet couldn't go alone.

There was a solution, maybe.

She didn't even think as she reached for the phone.


	12. Chapter 12

They sat in compatible silence, watching the flowers in front of them sway with the wind.

It was cooler now, not uncomfortably so though.

Beside her, Belle sent a text to someone, though Elsa didn't bother peeking to see who. Not like she cared.

Even after an entire day out, away, Anna still plagued her thoughts. Like a bad dream she couldn't shake.

Belle noticed when Elsa once more lapsed into her quiet thinking, once more thought it was her fault.

"I'm sorry I'm not much company. Maybe it's time we started to head home."

Elsa blinked, looked over. Belle's hazel eyes bore into her relentlessly.

"No, I don't want to go home yet."

Belle gave a look that screamed nonbelieving, but chose to say nothing.

Elsa in turn said nothing as well. She wasn't any good at this. She'd never cared for relationships.

Belle sighed and stood, stretched before turning. "I'd like to go to the museum or something. Care to join me?"

Though she didn't really want to, Elsa gave a fake smile, the best she could muster.

"Sure, I'd love to."

* * *

Belle's hand was light in her own, soft and warm. It sent a chill up the older woman's arm, much like when Anna touched her.

Something about Belle drew her in. Maybe this trip had been a success.

The two slowly walked from exhibit to exhibit, sharing their thoughts on what the artist might have been saying.

Elsa did her best to stay positive, feigning bright meanings behind portraits she really thought looked pained or angered.

It was late before they decided it was time to go eat. Elsa let Belle choose where to go, paying for everything herself.

It became clear Belle's favorite food was French when she chose a place Elsa didn't even recognize.

But the food was interesting, it was weird to try something new.

When at last the two managed to get back to Belle's apartment, a small rundown place just near the edge of town, Elsa was really smiling.

It was... odd. But it was nice.

"Tonight was really amazing. I'd love to do this again, if you want."

Elsa was a bit taken aback, as she'd originally thought she'd made a terrible impression. But she found herself chuckling quietly and taking the brunette's hands.

"I'd love to, yes."

The two smiled at each other, and Elsa was surprised at the warmth within her gut. Only hours before she'd been a shell.

This woman... She was a miracle worker.

Suddenly Belle leaned forward, and nothing prepared the blonde for succulent, delicate lips to claim her own.

She didn't even have time to close her eyes before they were gone, but they left a feeling that remained even when she was waving goodnight from her car.

If only that feeling could last. How badly she wanted it to.


	13. Chapter 13

Everyone has some type of hobby, from collecting to drawing. Elsa's was writing.

She didn't think she was any good at it. After all it was only poems depicting pain and betrayal.

Not worth a second glance, right?

Belle had a much different view on it when Elsa shared. A more positive one.

Her normal smile grew somehow wider as her eyes scanned the lined paper.

"Elsa... This is amazing," she breathed, lowering the page to look at the fidgeting blonde beside her.

Said blonde scoffed. "Yeah, sure. What do you really think?"

She'd never cared for someone's opinion before then. It had never been needed.

But now she found herself silently hoping Belle wasn't just being nice.

Belle wasn't that type of person though. She said what she meant.

She laid the papers back in their file and nodded, picking at the corner of a lose page. The material was soft, worn. These must have been older.

"I'm serious, Elsa. These are amazing. Do you have any more?"

Of course she did. A lifetime of misery had led Elsa to fill binder after binder, then folder after folder.

No one knew though. Not even Anna. Not till now, at least.

Knowing someone now knew... It was strange, in a good way.

She shrugged and looked down into her lap.

"Well yeah, a few. B-but you don't have to read them of course. I mean they're kind of bad, and I kn-"

Belle leaned over swiftly and ended the awkward moment, lips pressing gingerly to the other woman's.

She knew, after a week, just how little Elsa enjoyed physical contact, but this was one exception.

The blonde certainly shut up when the brief encounter was over, unsure what response she should give.

In the end, she settled for simply smiling lightly.

"I guess I'll go get those poems, then."

* * *

Anna wasn't unaware of the change in her sibling. She didn't yet know the cause, but she was working on that.

For a little less than a week, Elsa had grown... Well Anna didn't really know.

The blonde was no more talkative or open than she had been, yet Anna could just feel something different.

Call it intuition.

Whatever had her sister in this state was welcome, of course. Anna was just dying to figure it out.

And Hans wasn't helping. He seemed to want little to do with Anna's elder sister, sidetracking the conversation whenever she was brought up.

So it was down to her to come up with a reasonable conclusion.

She considered multiple possibilities. Her favorite was the thought that maybe she'd finally made an impression.

Never in a million years did it cross her mind that Elsa had found someone special to her.

Because Anna was supposed to be the special one. She was just getting her sister back.

Now it seemed she was losing her all over again.


	14. Chapter 14

Elsa was smiling more. That was the first thing the redhead noticed.

True she still wouldn't even hug Anna, or stay in the same room as her for more than thirty minutes.

But she smiled when Anna said something funny. She smiled when Anna complimented her.

To anyone else, this probably wouldn't have meant anything.

But it was everything to Elsa's sister.

The second thing noticed, was how much time she spent outside. Not locked in her room.

True Anna kind of missed knowing Elsa was just upstairs or across the hall should she need her. But if she was getting out it meant she was healing.

That's why Anna confronted her older sister. It was now or never she believed. And she had to know.

Elsa was sitting on the stairs of all places, aimlessly drawing on a napkin from lunch. She wasn't a good artist, it was just a way to pass the time.

And Anna stole as much courage as she figured she would need.

"Hey, Els."

Her sister looked up from her doodle of an unknown animal in acknowledgement.

"Hey, Anna. If you need to get upstairs you could've just gone around."

Anna nervously clasped her hands together, giving herself away then and there.

Elsa, realizing it must be important, laid down her pen.

"Oh no. What did you do to my stuff this time?"

Anna was a bit insulted honestly. It didn't always have to be about her screwing up. Did it?

"Nothing," she answered.

Elsa gave a look that clearly portrayed doubt.

"Okay... Then what did I do?"

Once more the redhead shook her head.

"No, no one's done anything wromg. I just want to talk."

Elsa's face, which had begun to form a small smile fell.

"About what?"

There was so little emotion in her voice.

"About that day, Elsa. Why you were in the hospital."

All her courage was drained, at this point if Elsa pushed away she wasn't sure she could stop her from leaving.

That was tested.

Elsa bunched up the napkin and sighed, looking anywhere but at her sibling.

The last thing she wanted to do was lie. Or hurt Anna. But she didn't have much of a choice.

"I don't... I still can't tell you that, Anna."

The way she said it signaled there was no room for debate. The matter was closed.

End of discussion.

Anna was more than disappointed. She only wanted to help.

And Elsa would surely move back out soon. Her chance to change their relationship for the better was running out of time.

She needed to figure something out, fast.

She nodded, but went nowhere. No, if this was over Elsa would have to be the one to go.

And Elsa realized that. She winced as she stood, knowing Anna was watching every move.

And yet she turned her back. She walked away.

What else was she supposed to do?


	15. Chapter 15

Denying it didn't do anything.

Once more Elsa felt alone even with someone right there beside her. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking back to Anna's confrontation.

How much longer could she deny her sister the truth she so rightfully deserved? Living in the same house once again wasn't helping matters any.

Belle noticed the older's sudden disinterest in their movie, saw the far off look she gave.

To be honest, she was upset that Elsa seemed keen on daydreaming when they were supposed to be enjoying time together.

She only nudged the blonde though, gave a false smile.

Elsa saw through it.

"What is it?"

Belle bit the inside of her cheek. Then she reached for the remote and paused the film. Laying the remote beside her, she looked straight at the woman next to her.

"You're zoning out again."

Elsa blinked, but clearly had a backup plan in case she was found out. Too bad it was a terrible one.

"I was just thinking about how much they spent on special effects for the movie."

"Elsa, this is a documentary, sweetie."

The blonde showed clear surprise, turning her head to look at the screen.

It only took a second to see Belle wasn't joking.

"Oh..."

Gentle hands took hers, and Belle inched closer. She was warm, and though her touch was nice it wasn't...

Wasn't what?

...

Wasn't Anna.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Elsa. You know I'm here for you."

It was so sincere, so real. This woman... cared. Why?

"Why do you like me?" It was a question she'd wanted to ask from the beginning.

She just hadn't had the guts to do so till now.

Belle only took a second to respond, and as she did she held the icy blue gaze.

"You're sweet and kind. You're absolutely beautiful."

She paused, looked elsewhere before smiling gently and reaching up to cup one of the blonde's soft cheeks.

"I don't know a lot about you. But you're an amazing writer. And you care, though you seem to want to hide that."

Elsa had to bite her tongue. This woman saw something in her she herself doubted existed.

She was a monster. She was in love with her little sister for God's sake! The thoughts that went through her mind...

Her parents would roll in their graves if they knew!

And then...

She was basically using this woman to keep her filthy self in control. Away from Anna.

Was that really the 'sweet and kind' person Belle could possibly see?

"You don't know me," she started, but Belle cut her off quickly.

"Then let me know you. Just let me in."

A simple request. Could she fulfill it though?

She wanted desperately to. And looking into those sad orbs was damning.

How could she say no?

She found it hard to swallow. And then she whispered one word.

"Okay..."


	16. Chapter 16

She'd made up her mind.

But when she pulled Belle into the house behind her, it was devoid of life.

The plan had been a simple one.

She had confessed to Belle about the depression previously, about her hospital stay and why. About staying with her younger sister for the time being.

Belle had been surprisingly supportive, even holding Elsa when she saw her start to tear up.

And she didn't question why she'd done what she had when Elsa told about the failed suicide. That was one thing Elsa would tell only if she wished.

Which of course she didn't want to.

Now she wanted Belle to meet Anna. She had said they might already know each other, as they shared a mutual friend.

But Belle wasn't sure, and once Anna found out maybe she'd back off a little.

Since the questioning just two days earlier, she'd seemed content on watching Elsa.

It was like she was studying some unknown, alien species.

It freaked the elder sister out a little to be honest.

"Anna?"

Two, three, four.

No response.

"I guess she's not home," Belle suggested.

It was a little obvious, and Elsa huffed. This wasn't what she'd originally planned, but she couldn't complain.

After all, she was the one always out lately.

"Yeah, I guess not. Do you want to just stay here a while anyway? I'm sure she'll be back soon."

Belle's face lit up at the suggestion.

"Sure, I'd love to."

So the two left their shoes by the door, and Elsa gave a quick tour of the place before they settled themselves in the living room.

Anna wasn't back soon though. It was going on seven when Elsa, frowning at some gore-filled horror scene on the screen, finally admitted it was getting late.

"What do you want for dinner?"

Belle was a little taken aback when Elsa asked. She'd sort of figured she'd be sent home.

"Oh, I don't really care."

"We haven't really gone shopping in a bit," Elsa admitted. "You okay with pizza?"

The brunette smiled, nodding.

"Sure, sounds perfect."

A few minutes later, Elsa was once more seated by the other woman.

For a few moments, they actually watched the movie.

Then Belle casually leaned her head on Elsa's shoulder.

She knew Elsa had boundaries, she knew she was testing them.

But at the moment, she wasn't that worried. The blonde would speak up, and she was, quite frankly, interested in more than cuddling.

And Elsa didn't stop her when she placed a gentle kiss to the blonde's neck. That turned into nipping.

Soon, she was soothing a slowly darkening mark with her tongue.

The blonde couldn't help herself from moaning quietly, biting her lip to silent herself.

She'd just lifted the brunette's chin to kiss her, when the door opened.

In stepped Anna.


	17. Chapter 17

"Elsa, are you home?"

Anna's voice carried, and Elsa had never moved so fast in her entire life.

To the disappointment of Belle, the blonde rose as swiftly as she could, out of their embrace. She faced the door as she swung her braid over her shoulder.

"Y-yeah, here."

She felt Belle stand up beside her, and it only took a second for Anna to enter the room.

She flipped on a light as she stepped in, a grin on her face. She briefly glanced at Belle.

"Oh, we have a guest. I'm Anna, Elsa's sister."

Belle cleared her throat and smiled as well, reaching out and taking the blonde's hand. It surprised both sisters.

"I'm Belle, Elsa's girlfriend."

Elsa's mouth opened to speak, but she couldn't. Labels had yet to be placed, but it wasn't weird Belle would refer to her as such. Still, the word sounded strange.

"Girlfriend."

Elsa couldn't rightfully say whether that was a question or a statement, but it didn't matter.

Because in stepped Hans.

Immediately the older sibling tensed, watching the man slip his arm round Anna's waist. She leaned into him, but her eyes were now glued to Elsa, lips parted in disbelief.

Because she saw it. The small red mark that was darkening.

"Oh, hello. And you are?" Hans asked, flashing a charming smile to Belle.

If Anna had seen it, she surely would have elbowed him. It made Belle blush slightly, something Elsa didn't notice because she was focused on the redhead's arm round her sister.

"Belle, I'm Belle," she murmured.

"French for beauty. It suites you." Smooth coming from a guy supposedly in love.

Anna was the first to break from her trance, and she cleared her throat, looking up to her boyfriend.

"Baby, can you go get my purse? I think I left it in your car."

Hans' face fell a second but then he smiled like it was okay.

"Sure, of course, princess."

Elsa didn't know which she felt more of when he left; relief or rage. She pulled away from Belle's touch.

The brunette flashed her a look of surprise, and she gave the best smile she could to calm.

"Uh, I've gotta go to the bathroom," she excused herself.

Belle nodded in understanding as Elsa walked away, but Anna wasn't so easily side-stepped. She followed the blonde.

"Elsa, girlfriend? Why didn't you tell me you're gay?"

Elsa winced. "I'm not. Or, I don't know. Can we talk about this later?"

The younger woman scowled, clenching her fists.

So things were finally coming out, and her sister couldn't spare two minutes to clarify what the hell was going on?

And what was with that hickey? It looked new.

And how long had they been together? Gah, there were too many questions!

"Fine. But you have a lot of explaining to do."


	18. Chapter 18

Both Belle and Hans were gone when Elsa returned from splashing water on her face. Anna explained they both felt it was getting late.

But the blonde thought she saw something on her sister's face. She didn't question, however.

The hickey was now covered by her hair, but she was pretty certain Anna had seen it. It was, unfortunately, rather noticeable.

And it only made her stomach tighten in a knot of guilt. Like she was doing something wrong.

But it wasn't like she was cheating on Anna, as her mind seemed to suggest.

It was undeniably awkward as the two settled down on the couch, the movie shut off.

It was too quiet.

"So... you're gay," Anna stated.

It was that, a statement. And Elsa couldn't argue over it. Because how was she supposed to?

"I, uhm..." She swallowed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Out the corner of her eye she caught the redhead nodding.

"So that's why you've been acting differently."

Elsa's brows furrowed, she cocked her head.

"Differently?"

At this, Anna _smiled_. Not a happy one, just a gesture to somewhat go with her words.

"Good different. You've been less... moody, I guess. Trust me, it's a good thing."

The elder once more swallowed, fidgeting in her seat.

"Oh. Okay."

"How long?"

"Uh, just a week or so. Not long. We haven't even really... I mean it's not official."

Elsa had no idea why she felt the need to clarify this, but she did regardless.

Anna chuckled quietly, and it made the older of the two glance over in confusion and bafflement.

"Belle certainly thinks it's official."

To that, well, Elsa couldn't argue. The brunette clearly saw this as a relationship of sorts. And, until now, so had she. Well, kind of.

Quiet as the two sat, and Elsa studied her sister closely. She fidgeted slightly, as if uncomfortable, and Elsa felt her heart drop.

"Are you okay with that?"

Anna didn't understand the question. "With what?"

"With... you know. Me."

Realization dawned on her features as her eyes widened, and Anna quickly and feverishly bobbed her head.

"Of course. Elsa, you're my sister. I love you no matter what."

Somehow, that made matters worse. The blonde felt that knot in her gut sink, weighing her down.

"Good. I mean, I think I'm just bisexual. But, I don't really know. Not for sure."

Anna hummed in understanding, picked at her nail. There was more, she knew.

"What else, Elsa? What are you keeping from me?"

Elsa visibly stiffened, looked away from her sister.

"I... Nothing. It's just that, I wanted you to meet Belle, but not this way. That's all, it was just uncomfortable."

She was lying, anyone could have seen through that phoniness.

But Anna let it go. She didn't have the energy for this now.

"Okay. Well, she seemed nice."

Elsa only sighed quietly. "Yeah..."


	19. Chapter 19

"Don't worry about it, sweetie. Everything went fine yesterday, really."

Belle was still trying to coax Elsa into believing that line. Like it was all going to be alright.

"No, it was awkward, and you just left, and..."

She huffed and sat wearily on the edge of Belle's bed.

With a groan of her own, Belle fell beside the blonde. She was close enough Elsa could feel her warmth, yet not quite touching.

Until her head came to rest gently on Elsa's shoulder.

"Please, I'm sure Anna is okay with this, Elsa. She didn't seem upset. She was just surprised."

Elsa only nodded in understanding and resignation because she was tired of arguing. There was no point, Belle wouldn't give in.

The quiet ensnared them, pulling them under, and the blonde allowed her eyelids to flutter shut.

She could faintly make out the brunette's breathing. It was gentle, and her soft hand sent a chill up the older's arm when it touched her wrist.

The brunette shifted, her hair tickling Elsa's neck, and a small smile formed on her lips though she fought against it.

She could almost imagine Elsa doing the same.

"Good girl," she hummed quietly.

Her fingers snaked down, over the other woman's open palm, before entangling with her own fingers.

She leaned back and waited, and Elsa responded without question.

Everything screamed at her not to, but she brought her face down and caught Belle's lips. It hurt, not physically, but maybe the emotional sting was worse anyway.

But she didn't push away, because she couldn't. Anna was on her mind, she had to fight that off.

Belle was caught off guard when Elsa deepened the embrace, sliding her tongue over soft lips. Belle complied, and gave a small gasp at the urgency Elsa showed when her tongue slipped into the other's mouth.

 _Please, it's Belle, not Anna. Stop thinking of her, please... You have to..._

She frantically tried to picture Belle. All the while her tongue flicked at the back of teeth, mapped out this woman's mouth.

She wanted so badly for it to be Anna's.

Suddenly she was being pushed away, and she whimpered automatically at the loss.

Belle was there again, before her, her hand now on Elsa's shoulder as she kept her at bay.

The two stared into each other's eyes for a moment, and Belle's softened.

Her hand came up to the blonde's face, fingers running over her cheek. It was only then Elsa realized she was crying.

"Why?" Belle asked.

It was a whisper, she showed genuine concern.

"I don't know," Elsa lied.

Again.

Because lies were convenient.

Because lies hid a reality no one wanted to face.

She had to get away from Anna.

She was losing herself again.

Just like those four years ago.

But this time...

This time her apartment wasn't far enough away...


	20. Chapter 20

Days passed in a blur. Elsa slowly formed a plan, one she hated yet seemed to be unable to escape.

Belle was getting restless. Her kissed lingered longer. Her touches grew more intimate.

Even Anna seemed clingier. Hans hadn't asked her out recently, so she seemed keen on keeping tabs on her sister.

Elsa felt she was caught in a tide, being drug out to a dark, churning sea. She wasn't prepared for it.

But no one was ever truly prepared for these things.

The first of May saw to a change in things.

It started off simple. Anna prepared them both breakfast as Belle endlessly chatted through text.

Elsa's mood was better, not as low as it had been. And Anna's was even better.

"Morning, Els!" She greeted her sister with a tight hug and kiss to the cheek.

This caught the blonde off guard, and she stumbled to her seat at the table in a daze.

"M-morning, Anna."

Breakfast was nearly ruined when Anna began to chatter about everything and anything, but Elsa quickly jumped up to keep things from burning.

After, the redhead wanted to go out. Do anything.

Belle, unfortunately, had asked Elsa out the previous night.

Upon learning this, Anna's smile only faltered briefly.

"Oh... Well that's okay! I can go with you guys, I wanted to get to know her anyway."

Though she knew she should have, Elsa couldn't bring herself to reject her sister.

That led to a decent, but very quiet, lunch between the three just hours later.

Belle made it clear she had expected only Elsa to show up, but wasn't rude. She did, however, shoot the blonde a multitude of looks throughout the meal.

Anna still didn't catch the hint though, when Belle specified that _she and Elsa_ had made plans to see a movie after.

"Oh, that's great! Elsa knows I've wanted to see this movie forever!"

Elsa, in fact, had no such knowledge. But she didn't speak up when Anna sent her a look.

That led to an even quieter, and more awkward, date at the movies.

Elsa sat in between the two, and she noticed how Belle would move closer, grasp her hand. How Anna would try to be inconspicuous when she scowled at the actions.

Her little sister... wasn't trying very hard to show her disapproval.

It made Elsa ache. She cared for Belle, she knew that. She adored the brunette.

But if Anna had asked it of her, she would have left Belle. And she knew it.

It made her heart ache as Belle's hand tightened around her upper arm. Belle deserved more than what she was getting.

And Elsa deserved far less.

That's what the plan was for. It would hurt all three people, but it was worth the cost.

Because they'd all be able to be happy after.

Or, that's what Elsa wanted to believe.


	21. Chapter 21

The night was young. Cool and clean and welcome.

And her bags were packed and under her bed.

It all came down to this, didn't it?

Elsa's throat threatened to close on her as she swallowed, gazing at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Tomorrow, Anna would wake up and find a letter for her on the living room coffee table. Elsa would send a goodbye text to Belle once on the train out of here.

And things would slowly go back to being normal for the two of them.

There were no tears. Elsa didn't allow herself that.

Instead, she zipped up her jacket and threw the full bags on the bed once back in her room. The note was waiting, and she stuffed it in her pocket as she pulled the straps up onto her shoulders.

What money she'd been saving for the past few years was all she'd have. She prayed it was enough.

If it wasn't...

Well, her parents had left both Anna and Elsa money for emergencies. This would qualify, wouldn't it?

They wouldn't mind if it was to keep the younger sister safe.

So she waited. She knew Anna was asleep, but she remained in her room for at least another hour.

She told herself it was to be safe. But the truth was that she was afraid to leave. She was afraid to let Anna go again.

Nearing three in the morning. With shaking legs, Elsa left the safety and security of her room.

Each step downstairs was damning. The letter was dropped up.

But then she paused when she was at the door.

Once she left, there was no coming back. Once she left, that was it.

The bags felt so heavy. She thought the note silly.

But then it all fell away, because that one thought entered her mind.

That poisonous, bitter thought.

She was in love with her sister. And if she stayed... If she stayed she'd admit it. Or worse. She'd act upon it.

That was enough. Not another thought as she pulled the door shut behind her.

The click signaled that her fate was sealed. No returning.

The train station was nearly empty when she got there. Stragglers here and there, but nothing more. And she was the youngest there.

She bought a ticket with cash and waited. And waited. And waited.

And regretted.

But when everything in her seemed to suddenly scream she was a fool, in pulled the train.

She didn't hesitate to get on. She didn't hesitate to sit down by the window, to rest her forehead against her open palm as she gazed out.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out.

 **Please don't do this, Elsa!**

It was... Anna.

And...

And when Elsa looked out the window again, just as the train was pulling off...

Anna came running out onto the platform, breathless.

But she was too late.


	22. Chapter 22

Her messages, they never stopped.

The next stop was just over an hour from the station Elsa had been at, and in that time she'd gotten more messages from her sister than she had the entirety of their years.

Messages begging clarity. Messages begging for her return. Messages of anger and grief.

It seemed, when she realized they were having little effect, she turned to the one person she had hoped wouldn't be a part of this.

Belle began messaging, much the same as Anna. Clarity, reasoning. But she didn't get upset like Anna. She stayed calm.

The last message she read from either of them was from Belle. And it read simply:

 **Fine. Just, be safe. Please.**

Elsa felt like a fuck up. But she refused to feel that way long. This was for the best, she continued reminding herself.

When at last that first stop came, however, she couldn't stop herself from exiting the train.

She swore she was just getting off to stretch. That the moment it was time to get moving, she'd be aboard once more. Her destination was as close to the border of this country as possible.

Nobody questioned why someone like herself would be out here now, and for that she was grateful. Even guys she suspected were complete scum bags neither spoke to her nor came near.

The one good thing about this night, she guessed.

She walked around aimlessly, her phone still vibrating in her pocket every ten seconds.

Belle had stopped texting. Anna was a different story. She was fucking furious and torn up.

Once again.

With a heavy sigh, Elsa let herself fall onto a bench conveniently placed just beside the exit of the station. It was filthy, even sticky, but at this point she could care less.

She went through all of Anna's texts. Too many. Dozens.

Now she was getting desperate again, questioning herself and everything she'd done. Could it have been her, she kept asking.

Elsa found this... ironic.

Because, in a way, it was her. If Anna hadn't been so... herself, Elsa might never have felt this way.

She might not adore that laugh. Cherish that smile. Revel in those teal eyes and sun-kissed skin.

She might not hang on to every word, hold love for Anna's sweet and gentle yet sometimes awkward and clumsy nature.

But no, Elsa would never believe it was Anna's fault. It was Elsa's completely.

She had no right loving someone she knew could never love her in return.

She read and reread those messages. She lost herself in the pain behind every word. Until she couldn't stand it.

She shut down the electronic to end the tirade and cried into her palms silently. What the hell was she doing?

One message alone stood behind her eyelids. And though she knew Anna could never mean it, it scarred her.

 **If you leave again, I'll hate you.**


	23. Chapter 23

The train left. She wasn't on it.

She knew she should be, berated herself for not being on it.

But she couldn't stop herself any longer.

Her mind was made up. The first stop would be Belle's. It was late, but she'd be up.

Elsa knew she would be.

It would be one hell of a walk though.

* * *

When she checked the time, it was nearing seven in the morning when she recognized the general neighborhood she was in. Still a short ways from her destination, but now back.

For good? She doubted it.

Once Anna found out... Well, she'd definitely not stop Elsa from her cross country trip then.

Her legs ached, back and shoulders sore from carrying her stuff when she managed to find Belle's apartment.

Up a flight of stairs, then a battle within as she fought for the courage to knock.

This was one conversation she wished she could skip. Ha, seemed like there were a lot of those lately.

She dropped her stuff, held her breath. And knocked.

Seconds ticked by, agonizingly long and quiet. Elsa thought maybe Belle was asleep or not even home.

She was wrong.

The door creaked open, a face appeared in the crack. It was not, however, who she had expected.

"What do you want?"

It was... Elsa didn't even know, to be honest. A guy, just a few inches taller than herself.

His hair was the color of sand, eyes such a piercing blue they stabbed right through the blonde.

She couldn't answer. How the hell could she when he looked at her like that?

"Adam? Who is it?"

That was Belle's voice, soft and... Was she crying? From out here, the blonde couldn't tell.

Until she sobbed. Even the door couldn't muffle that sound.

Before the man could respond, Elsa pushed herself fully against the door, barging in past him.

Caught off guard, the man stumbled and nearly fell back as he was so easily pushed aside.

"Hey!"

The word barely registered in Elsa's ears as she easily made her way to the brunette's bedroom.

The door was slightly ajar, and through the slit she could see a form huddled on the bed, shaking.

It broke her heart.

"What the hell is your-"

Elsa didn't let him finish. She pushed the door open and half walked half rushed to the bedside, falling to her knees as Belle's eyes widened in shock.

"Belle..."

Her head fell, and she reached out for the woman tentatively. Her fingers brushed the brunette's dress.

And then she was being enveloped. Sweet arms hugged her close, she heard a gentle heartbeat behind sobbing.

"Elsa... Elsa where the hell have you been?"

There was humor in her voice, yet it wavered in distress.

It was... too much.

She shut her mind of all she'd planned.

Anna would never love her back, right? But this woman...

Belle already did.


	24. Chapter 24

Adam was Belle's cousin, it turned out. And he respected the two woman when Belle requested they talk alone.

And Elsa exploded. She told her everything about just who Elsa was.

Everything... except what she felt for Anna. That was one thing no one could know, for no one would understand.

They spent most of the morning crying, cuddling, even some laughing.

Elsa had never felt more accepted than that time. Laying in the arms of the brunette, feeling light kissed being peppered against the crown of her head. It was... magical.

She fell asleep after a while though, her late night escapade having drained her.

When she awoke, she was alone. A note lay on the once occupied pillow beside her.

It read simply that Belle was happy she was back, and was sorry she had had to leave for work.

It made Elsa feel slightly guilty to know she'd kept the woman up most of the night.

The last line of her note was simple. It stated that she needed to contact Anna.

This was where Elsa sighed and closed her eyes, laying her head back down.

Why? Why couldn't she just stay here, forever, happy?

Because she wasn't truly happy knowing Anna was hurting so badly.

Mainly worried, Elsa complied to the request of her... girlfriend? She wasn't completely sure.

She was shocked at how many messages she'd received since shutting down her phone. Almost sixty.

Now, she was nervous. She was originally planning to call but... that scared her too damn much to even attempt.

The next option was texting.

 **I'll be home soon, Anna. I'm so sorry about all this... It was a mistake.**

She sent it, hated it, then gave up on it.

It said all she needed to right now.

Of course Anna messaged immediately after. She didn't bother reading it though.

Belle had brought Elsa's bags inside, stacked them by the door. She was grateful for that.

But she didn't want to carry them home now.

So she left them where they were as she exited the apartment.

She'd probably need them after this anyway.

* * *

Those messages hadn't portrayed anything. It became clear how hurt her sister was the second Elsa slipped through the front door.

Her note, the one for Anna, was laying in the middle of the floor, the ripped envelope not far from it.

A sheet was draped over the couch like someone had spent the night there. Waiting for her to return.

No noise. No movement.

It took everything in her for Elsa to make it up those stairs, the whole time her hands clenching and unclenching.

The walk to Anna's door felt so long. And finally there was sound.

So low, it was barely audible. But it was there. And it was sad.

Elsa's entire facade crumbled. Anna... didn't deserve this.

With a shaking hand, she raised her fist, and knocked.


	25. Chapter 25

A door had never opened as fast as that structure did.

And Elsa was face to face with bloodshot eyes and tear streaked cheeks.

"Elsa..."

Her voice was just a croak as Anna threw her arms around her sister.

"Anna... God, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot..."

But Anna shook her head against the blonde's shoulder.

"No, no you're not... Just talk to me, Elsa. Please."

If she hadn't cried earlier, Elsa would have broke down upon hearing that desperate plea.

Anna refused to let go. When Elsa went to pull away from their embrace, Anna only held on tighter.

Like the second she let go Elsa would disappear once more.

"Anna, I'm not going anywhere. I swear."

She must have mumbled this into the redhead's hair a thousand times before Anna accepted it.

But she grabbed Elsa's hand, squeezed and pulled her into the room.

How long had it been since Elsa had set foot in here? Even before she moved out, this wasn't a place she was used to.

It had always just been that way. This was Anna's room, she had no right being in here. Simple.

They sat side by side on the bed, and though it made Elsa uncomfortable she said nothing when Anna laid her head on the older's shoulder.

Silence filled the space around them, neither speaking. No, this was just a moment of peace.

Calmest before the storm, right?

Anna stopped crying. She sniffled, wiped at tears already on her face, but didn't sob.

And Elsa grasped the hand Anna had offered like it was her only connection to life. When would be the next time she was allowed this?

Silences needed to be filled. That was what the redhead believed. So it was her to speak first.

"I got the note... Thank you."

It wasn't what Elsa expected, to say the least, but she went with it.

"Oh, you're welcome. It didn't seem fair to just leave with no warning."

That made a strangled giggle escaped the redhead.

"So that was the warning, huh? Came a little late, I think."

Elsa shook her head.

"Why didn't you just go back to your apartment? If you wanted to get away from me so badly I would've understood."

Elsa tensed, her grip tightening unintentionally.

"Anna, it's not like tha-"

"Don't. Please."

But... there was so much she needed to say. Before she confessed and never had a chance.

Before she was kicked out Anna's life for good.

"Anna... We need to talk. You deserve an explanation."

Her stomach reeled as the reality of the situation showed itself. This was it.

It was better than some of the other scenarios she'd thought up, certainly. But not the best.

Anna only shrugged.

"So you can tell me you don't know anything?"

And it dawned on Elsa.

Anna had given up on her.


	26. Chapter 26

For years she'd been in love with Anna.

For four years she'd been away from Anna.

And for only a month, she'd grown accustomed to waking up knowing Anna would be there.

That month, it was one of the worst and best of her life.

And it was all coming to a close. They both knew it. Anna wasn't sugarcoating it any longer.

"If you want, then go. I won't stop you. But I need to know you'll be there when I need you. Please. Don't shut me out all over again."

A simple request. A fair one.

Elsa shook her head, pulling away from the redhead's touch.

"I can't make that promise, Anna. You know that."

Her eyes fell down, and she sucked in a shaky breath.

"Because this time, it's you who will be shutting me out."

Anna didn't understand; she'd never abandon Elsa. She loved Elsa, adored her.

"What do you mean?"

Elsa chuckled, but it wasn't a happy sound. It was sour and empty and broken.

She stood and walked away, toward the door, but she stopped just before reaching it.

When she turned back... Anna had never seen her sister look at her with such pleading, with such vulnerability.

Elsa had sworn to herself. She knew it would be a mistake, that it would hurt. But as she told her sister, she would let her heart be shown.

Surely Anna couldn't hurt it as badly seeing as she was offering it so expectantly, right?

"Anna... Why do you think I left four years ago? Why do you think I pushed you all away?"

This was a question Anna had put much time in. She knew there was a logical explanation, but she had never found it. Unless it was simply:

"Because you hated me."

Elsa's smile was small and shattered. She shook her head.

"No. Maybe that would be better, though."

Anna didn't understand. How could hating your own family be better than anything?

"Then why, Elsa? What did I ever do to you?"

Elsa laughed that crooked laugh again, and for a split second Anna entertained the notion that maybe her older sibling had lost her mind.

"You don't have any idea, do you? You never did. You were always so oblivious."

It wasn't an insult, in fact Elsa loved her sister's innocence. It just hurt. Too much.

"I wouldn't be so oblivious if you just talked to me!"

Anna hadn't intended to snap. She was just tired of this game. A round about neither was winning. One tearing them apart.

Elsa nodded in understanding, hugged her arms round her middle.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't be."

Anna was getting frustrated. They both knew it. Elsa was procrastinating.

"Just tell me, Elsa. Please."

Elsa looked Anna right in the eye, humor gone. Her smile vanished.

"I'm in love with you, Anna."


	27. Chapter 27

Silence. Piercing quiet that rattled her bones and drove her insane.

And Anna didn't even react. She just stared.

And stared.

And Elsa couldn't look away from those swirling orbs of green speckled blue.

How long did this go on?

Seconds? Minutes? Neither could rightfully say.

Finally, Elsa couldn't take it.

"Well? Say something!"

This was... not what she had expected.

Crying. Screaming. Shock. Disgust. Maybe even rage. But not this.

This eerie acceptance yet dejection.

Anna blinked, as if coming from a daze. And her eyes finally widened, if only the slightest.

"You're serious?"

So that was it. She thought Elsa was... joking.

Elsa couldn't blame her. It was one hell of a confession, telling your sister you loved her unconditionally.

Elsa felt her entire body heat up. Embarrassment. At a time like this. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Why... Why would I lie about something like this?"

Her voice broke, she felt so weak all of a sudden.

"But," and she saw the confusion, the surprise, all on Anna's face. She was trying desperately to understand her sister's words.

And that was just it. They were _sisters_. There was no way... Sisters didn't feel that way toward one another.

It was unheard of, it was unusual.

It was _wrong_.

"How... What... I don't..." She couldn't find the words no matter how she tried.

So Elsa clarified.

"I know. I know it's wrong and disgusting and I hate myself! But I can't... I can't stop it, Anna.

"Ever since we were young, but I didn't realize it then. It was just normal affection then. And then, I don't even know what happened.

"When I looked at you, I saw the woman you were becoming. Not my growing sister, but a beautiful individual.

"Your laugh, your smile. The way you sing in the shower and hum to songs even when you don't know the words. And those freckles...

"God, Anna. I love the way your name sounds and how awkwardly you accept most compliments. I love the way you giggle at stupid things, cry over simple, pointless stuff.

"You're perfect... And I can't help myself... I hate myself so fucking much!"

There were tears on her cheeks but she didn't care.

And Anna could only stare. Her mouth hung open slightly, like she wanted to intervene yet couldn't. What could she say?

Every rational thought left Elsa's mind. She was... free. It was all out in the open.

Anna's eyes grew wide with something Elsa couldn't distinguish as the blonde made her way over to the bed.

It didn't stop Elsa.

Too long had she envisioned this moment.

With shaking limbs, she lowered herself before her sister.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, Anna. But I love you. I've loved you for so long."

There wasn't anything the redhead could say.


	28. Chapter 28

Everyone always said heartbreak could be healed with time. With care.

Elsa doubted it.

Anna hadn't had to kick her out. No, the lingering uncertainty in her gaze said it all.

Elsa had nearly kissed Anna. She'd nearly claimed the lips that had tantalized her for so long.

It would have ruined everything, it made her hate her very existence.

She couldn't give in to her darkest desires. She wouldn't to keep her sister safe.

Safe from her own sibling.

Her apartment was no longer good. Nor was it bad.

It was yet another escape.

But for how long?

The blonde missed Anna the second her front door clicked shut. Yet another barrier to hide behind.

She fell against it, let herself slide till she hit carpeted floor.

And then she just stared up, past a ceiling of ivory.

Were her parents up there, watching? Did they finally see just what their precious daughter had become? What she was doing to the last of her family?

The thought made her physically ill.

It was nowhere near dark, yet she clamored up and into bed.

She didn't look twice at the dreaded bathroom. Just passing it made a phantom pain course through her wrists.

There wasn't anything else to do, so she closed her eyes.

What awaited beyond her eyelids made her wish she hadn't.

* * *

When her eyes opened, there was faint but clear sunlight streaming in. Checking the bedside table clock proved it was early the next morning.

She didn't want to move. But she needed to see if Anna had contacted her.

It was a false hope. Proven false.

For when she groggily reached for her phone tossed upon the table, there were no messages from her sister.

But someone had texted.

Belle.

And her texts made Elsa cringe, an ache within.

For they were far sweeter than Elsa deserved.

One from last night, then sunrise this morning.

 **I didn't hear anything from you or Anna. How'd it go? If you need me, text sweetheart.**

Then,

 **Good morning! Hope you're sleeping well. Miss you. Maybe we can grab lunch?**

Why the hell couldn't Elsa just be happy with that?

Because though she cared for Belle, her heart was already someone else's.

Someone who didn't want it.

Elsa let the phone fall onto the sheets as she laid back.

Damn it. What was she going to do?

Especially with Belle wanting to see her.

Could she face the brunette knowing it was Anna she was waiting so desperately for?

Just a single text. That was all she was asking for.

Just an acknowledgement that she was still considered something to the redhead.

How could she keep doing this, playing this game she seemed trapped in?

When would she be able to say she was at last freed from her own life of repose, her own self?

Right now...

Right now there just weren't any answers.


	29. Chapter 29

Belle greetes Elsa with a small smile, taking her hands and squeezing.

"Hey, Elsa," she murmured.

She leaned in, but Elsa turned her head. Those delicate lips landed on her cheek instead.

The younger woman looked a tad disappointed when she pulled away but refrained from saying anything.

"Hey," Elsa replied, letting go of one of her hands. "Where did you want to go?"

Belle's smile grew bigger somehow.

"I thought I'd cook for us today." Simple.

Elsa felt a small chill go through her. Uh oh. This was just lunch, right?

"Oh. Uh, that's okay. I can pay if we head to a diner or something."

The brunette's smile faltered.

"It's not a matter of money, sweetie. I want to. Please? Not to brag, but I'm a decent chef."

Elsa felt her squeeze her hand and sighed internally.

There wasn't any getting out of this, was there?

Besides... Belle wouldn't do anything Elsa was uncomfortable with. Right?

Elsa returned the other woman's smile.

"Okay. Then it's settled."

There was a sparkle in Belle's eyes, there only briefly.

"Great!"

* * *

Belle had been modest when proclaiming she was a decent chef.

She was amazing.

The two sat and talked as they ate, and it was a relief to feel... normal.

If only for a short while.

But Anna snuck back into her mind without her consent. It was inevitable.

If Belle noticed anything weird about Elsa's actions she didn't comment. Elsa could have thanked her for that.

When lunch was over Elsa opted to check her phone as Belle put away the dishes.

Nothing from Anna. It hurt.

A lot.

And then thin arms snaked around her shoulders. She felt the heat of Belle's body as the brunette pressed against her back.

She sucked in a breath when lips kissed the shell of her ear.

"W-What're you doing?" She placed her phone gingerly on the table.

"Mm, nothing."

A small nip to her lobe made Elsa lean her head to the side. Belle didn't hesitate to pepper kisses down her bare neck.

This... It wasn't wrong... Was it?

But she'd hate herself after, she knew.

She was about to stop it when Belle began suckling on her bare skin.

A moan escaped despite herself, and Elsa bit her lip. She couldn't give in! She coul-

"Ooh," she groaned as an adventurous hand cupped her breast. "Belle..."

That drove the brunette on. She nipped harder, licked the marks she created.

Elsa could only draw shaky breaths, clutching the chair arms harsher.

She'd nearly lost herself when a loud vibration came from the table.

Her phone.

And the only other person who texted her was Anna.

Something clicked in Elsa's brain. She jumped up and grabbed her phone, leaving a stunned brunette behind an empty chair.

The text was only three words, but it made her heart stop.

 **I need you.**


	30. Chapter 30

She felt awful just ditching Belle like she did. But she didn't have much of a choice.

There was a car in her sister's drive she didn't recognize.

A sporty little thing that screamed expensive. She didn't know whose it was.

The front door was unlocked so she let herself in. No one was in the living room.

"Anna?"

No one answered, so she checked the kitchen.

Unoccupied as well.

Elsa's brow furrowed as she returned to the front room.

Where could her sister be?

A moment of thought. And then she got a horrible feeling.

It was like a stab of ice through her gut. Something wasn't right.

This place felt... wrong.

"Anna?" she tried once more, silently praying for a response.

No such luck. Just as quiet as before.

Elsa swallowed and turned her attention to the stairs.

With each step up she winced. The old wood in this house was so damn loud!

All of the doors were open, she noticed, when she reached the landing.

All except her sister's bedroom door.

That was... wierd.

So of course it's where she headed.

But standing before the door, she got that same stabbing fear.

"Anna?"

She waited one, two seconds with no reply.

So, she did the obvious thing. She reached out, twisted the knob.

She was expecting the room to be empty. Anyone would have.

It wasn't.

She found Anna. But not in any situation even the most perverted part of her mind could think up.

The redhead was tied to the bed, half naked. Her mouth was occupied by a ball gag.

Elsa swore her lungs just stopped.

The lingerie she was decked out in left little to the imagination. Skimpy black clothe that barely covered anything at all.

It was so much better than any fantasy Elsa had ever had in her miserable life.

And then it slowly dawned on her, when her mind could process things once again.

Anna couldn't have tied herself up like that...

"Enjoying the show?"

The voice sent a shiver through her entire being.

And she turned too late.

A fist connected with her jaw as she twirled around.

She stumbled, tripped and fell.

She'd never been hit in her life. Verbally assaulted, cut and burned herself. But never punched like that.

And it hurt.

Like hell.

She thought she saw flashed of light in her vision, but didn't get to find out.

A foot slammed into the side of her head, snapping it sideways.

A cry of pain escaped her.

"Oh? I'm sorry, that didn't hurt did it?"

It was bitterly rhetorical.

Elsa tasted something metallic in her mouth. There was a warm trickling down her cheek.

A rough, uncaring hand grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her up.

She yelped and clawed pitifully at it.

But her movements ceased when she came face to face with mad, wild eyes,.

Emerald eyes.

Hans.


	31. Chapter 31

Never before had a smile seemed more eerie. Those eyes were malicious, taunting.

He chuckled. The sound was gruff and terrible.

"What? Not happy to see me?"

Elsa once more went to clawing at his hand, wriggling. His grip only seemed to tighten.

"Well guess what?"

He drew in close, she smelled alcohol on his breath.

"I'm not that thrilled to see you either."

It was maddening how calm his voice remained, how his smile stayed fixed to his face.

He let go of her hair, and for the briefest of seconds Elsa was grateful.

Until his open palm connected with her cheek.

She whimpered when she fell, her hand coming up to sooth the stinging.

The metallic taste was worse.

She spit. It was blood.

Once more her hair was grabbed, she cried out as she was jerked up.

"Why?" she yelped, wriggling.

When she looked into his face, it darkened.

"Why?" His voice...

It deepened, he gritted his teeth. His glare was evil

"Like you don't fucking know!"

This time he slung her, and she stumbled back to fall against the bed.

When she glanced up, up to find Anna wide eyed staring at her, she saw the fear.

She needed to get Anna out of here.

There had to be something, some way to get out of this.

She needed to free Anna from those bonds...

Hans walked forward with the same cockiness Elsa had witnessed upon first meeting the man.

And he chuckled, stopping by her legs.

"She told me, you filthy fucking bitch!"

His foot connected with her ankle. They all heard the crunch.

Elsa screamed in pure agony, reaching to gingerly clutch the injury.

But Hans kicked her hands away and rested his foot on the ankle.

It sent waves of pain through Elsa. Nothing had ever felt like this.

"You know what she said?"

He pressed down as if to emphasize the importance of this.

It only made the blonde sob and shake.

"She said you were in love with her. With your own fucking sister."

This time he twisted. Elsa couldn't take it.

She screamed till her throat was raw then fell into hysterics.

She begged. She begged him to stop.

"You know what's worse?" he continued, ignoring her babbling.

"She said she needed to think about it. Like she might feel the same!"

He stomped down, once more the crunching sounded.

There were specks of black in her vision as Elsa tried to crawl away.

It was useless.

Hans left her ankle alone.

Just to swing his foot back then kick her knee.

This time it was a sickening snap.

The specks of black were growing, her body was going into shock.

Suddenly there was another voice, but she couldn't distinguish words anymore.

It was Anna though...

She'd somehow freed herself from her bonds.

The last thing Elsa saw was her sister flinging herself onto the man's back.

And then...

It all went dark.


	32. Chapter 32

It was the beeping that awoke her, though there were other noises.

Elsa sucked in a breath, groaning while shifting.

Her eyes opened narrowly, blinking to ease the glare of overhead lights.

She was groggy as she attempted to sit up.

And suddenly there was someone by her side, gripping her arm gently.

"Els? Just relax, don't move too quickly."

Elsa looked up wearily and found the one person she didn't expect.

Anna.

"It's alright. You're okay now."

She didn't feel okay. Her head was pounding and she felt like a car had hit her.

"Anna?"

Anna nodded. "Yeah, it's me, blondie."

The blonde narrowed her eyes as she pulled the thin sheet up.

"Blondie, huh?"

Her sister nodded as she fidgeted in her seat.

It seemed the whole positive demeanor just evaporated when she looked back.

"Elsa... How are you feeling?"

Honestly? She'd never felt worse. But she shrugged.

"Can't really complain."

Her face hurt with every word she spoke, and now that she thought about it, her leg was killing her.

Anna sighed and leaned back.

"You look like hell though."

Her sister chuckled despite the pain.

"Thanks. Always love a good insult."

The redhead didn't return the laugh, instead reaching out to take Elsa's hand.

"Listen, I... I'm sorry about... what happened..."

Elsa opened her eyes and looked at her sibling. Anna seemed close to tears.

"Hey, it's alright. Are you okay, though?"

The redhead scoffed and shrugged.

"I guess... I told him because... I just wanted someone else's opinion, and I thought he'd understand... But then he..."

Elsa shook her head and looked toward the open door.

"I'm guessing it wasn't you who sent me that text."

There a pause, then Anna let her hand go.

"No. He just... He freaked out and started yelling and before I could do anything he had us locked in my room. And he... did what he did. Then found my phone."

Elsa tensed.

"What did he do to you, Anna?"

Anna winced and crossed her arms over her stomach.

"Nothing bad. He didn't... rape me. Just... told me to undress. When I refused, he got... forceful."

Elsa gritted her teeth. She wanted to pummel the guy. But it was obvious how that had went.

Speaking of which...

"What happened after I passed out?"

Anna didn't answer for a long moment, and Elsa turned back to look at her sister.

Anna was picking at her sleeve.

"He didn't... The rope he used to tie me up was kinda loose. When he..."

She stopped, swallowed.

"I just, I lost it. I managed to slip out of them and I just jumped him. And... well I'm sorry."

Elsa's brow furrowed.

"Sorry?"

"I sorta broke the lamp you gave me. Knocked him out with it."

Elsa chuckled.

"Forget the lamp. I'm glad you're okay.

Anna smiled lightly.

"Yeah. Me too."


	33. Chapter 33

Belle showed up soon after. Even though Anna seemed against it.

The police showed up as well, got a statement.

Her doctor came in, informed her of the damages she'd endured.

Her ankle was broken in three places, knee was fractured.

And most of the left side of her face was bruised and swollen.

Even she winced when she first saw her reflection.

Anna visited regularly, and Belle brought food for them. It was better than what she was offered in the hospital.

But she couldn't help feeling Anna was distancing herself. Much like she'd done.

It worried the blonde. They still needed to address more... pressing matters.

They just seemed unable to bring them up.

Or, Anna did, anyway. She hinted at it once or twice but gave up when the redhead would clam up.

Until the day she got a release date.

Anna was there with her, talking to her about some party she was planning to attend.

A soft knock came on the door frame and both sisters looked up to find Elsa's doctor looking in on them.

He smiled and stepped into the room.

"Ms Henders, how are we feeling today?"

Elsa shrugged and sat up in bed slowly. "Fine. Better, anyway."

The dark haired man smiled brighter, revealing pearly white teeth.

"That's great to hear. I have good news for you, ma'am."

"Oh? Please tell me the food's getting better."

He laughed, a kindhearted, free sound.

"No, I'm afraid that'll always be terrible."

Elsa and Anna both chuckled.

"Okay, then what is it?"

He sighed and crossed his arms.

"Well, as much as we love having you here I'm afraid we're kicking you out."

Elsa feingned a hurt expression. "What? How dare you!"

The man only shook his head.

"You're being discharged in two days. So be ready by then. You'll have someone picking you up?"

Anna nodded and finally piped in. "Yes, I'll be picking her up."

Elsa's doctor nodded and checked his watch.

"Alright, until then, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone."

He winked at Elsa, and both sisters' smile faded as they watched him leave.

"Well... do you two normally talk like that?" Anna finally asked, trying to even out the atmosphere.

Elsa chuckled nervously.

"Yeah. He's a... good guy. Eric, I think he said his name was."

"And he doesn't know we're sisters?"

Elsa picked at the sheet.

"Well, he never asked. But, I uh... I sorta talk about... uh..."

"He knows you like me?"

Elsa looked toward the door in embarrassment.

"Sorta. It's... complicated."

There was a quiet moment, and neither sister looked at one another.

"Elsa... We have to talk about... Well... That."

The blonde looked up, a bit surprised.

"Are... you sure? I mean you sorta just shut it out most of the time..."

Anna winced but cleared her throat.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

Elsa swallowed nervously.

Great.


	34. Chapter 34

Elsa didn't want to hear what Anna had to say.

Not because she was scared.

No, it was because she knew exactly what the redhead would say.

She didn't want to hear that Anna would never be anything more than a sister to her. Even if it was obvious.

She just wanted to accept that things weren't changing on her own terms.

There was only one problem. Well, besides the huge fact that this conversation shouldn't even exist.

Neither knew where to begin.

Anna bit her lip nervously, wringing her hands.

Elsa looked anywhere but at her sibling, counting the seconds in her head as they ticked by.

Eleven seconds later, Anna finally said something.

"Els... I don't understand what you feel. At all."

The blonde winced and nodded, but Anna wasn't done.

"But... I know you. Or I did. And I know that whatever this is, you're serious about it. And ... I love you, too, Elsa. But I don't see how..."

"How you could ever see me as more than a sister?"

Elsa's voice wasn't bitter. It was dull, lifeless.

Anna paused, collecting her thoughts.

"Well... Not exactly. For centuries plenty of royalties stayed within the family line to keep the blood pure. So... It's not as weird as we think?"

Her sister snorted, rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, this is the exact same thing."

Anna winced.

"Come on, Elsa. I'm actually trying here."

The blonde looked her sister in the eye, studied those orbs.

Finally, she nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry."

Anna returned the nod.

"Yeah, so, it's not as normal nowadays but there wouldn't be laws against it if it didn't still exist."

"And? What's the point, Anna?"

Anna looked away, toward the far wall. She looked pained almost.

She was grasping at thin lines here, didn't know where go.

"I don't know, Elsa! I'm still trying to wrap my head around it!"

Elsa winced back against her pillow, looking toward the floor.

God, nothing about her life was ever easy.

There was only one possible way this was going to play out, and she knew it.

"Just say it, Anna. Just say you'll always love me but never in the same way. Then we can be done with it."

Even she was surprised by the icy edge her voice took.

She was upset, yes, but not enough to hurt Anna.

The redhead shook her head and reached out.

But then she hesitated when she touched Elsa's hand. The blonde couldn't ignore that.

"Can't there ever be an in between? A gray area?"

The question caught Elsa off guard.

"What do you mea-"

Anna leaned in, placed a chaste kiss to the corner of her sister's mouth.

Elsa's eyes had never gone so wide.

She could only stare as Anna stood, walked away.

She was left with far more questions than answers.


	35. Chapter 35

There was no way she could just pretend it didn't happen.

Anna hadn't _kissed_ her, but it had been damn close.

For the first day or so, Elsa truly believed it had only been in her head.

But the second Anna touched her, helped her from the bed, it was like true clarity.

But she couldn't ask the redhead anything.

She slipped into the bathroom to change back into her clothes as Anna sat outside filling out a form.

But she tossed her clothes aside a second to glance at herself in the mirror.

What was she doing?

And what had she drug Anna into?

This, the lingering marks and small cuts. This came from misunderstanding.

There'd be a lot of that if they continued down this cursed path.

Elsa couldn't do that. For her sake and Anna's.

When she limped out to find her doctor waiting as well, she smiled.

It was one of the falsest gestures she'd made in a while.

They signed her out, she said goodbye to a few of the nurses she'd become acquainted with.

Then an awkward car ride home. Silent.

It was strange to try using her crutches to get to the front door, unstable. She barely made it without falling over.

Inside wasn't any better though.

Elsa fell out on the couch and cut the tv on, Anna put up the coats.

The blonde was a bit surprised, even uncomfortable in a way, when her sister came to sit beside her.

She tried her hardest to pay attention to the screen, flipping through channels till Anna asked her to stop.

But how could she?

Five minutes later, she couldn't take it.

"Anna, I, uh... Can I ask you something?"

She was fidgeting, she probably looked stupid, but she didn't really care.

It only dawned on her when those eyes landed on her that they were alone this time.

"Yeah, sure. Shoot."

But now...

Damn it! Her mind just needed to shut up a second.

"What did you... I mean when..."

She bit her lip, sighed in defeat as she slumped back against the cushions.

"What did you mean when you questioned about a gray area?"

Anna shook her head and turned back to the screen.

"It doesn't matter. You're with Belle, right?"

Oh. Belle.

Elsa winced.

"Well... I guess, yeah... But you can still explain."

There was a moment's quite. Then Anna sighed as well and crossed her arms.

"Honestly? I don't... This is fucked up, Elsa."

The redhead uncrossed her arms, ran her hands through her hair.

"You said you've felt this way for years. That... you couldn't get over me by pushing me away."

Elsa was at a loss for words. Was Anna suggesting...?

No, no, of course not! That was... That was just crazy!

But Anna looked over at her, face dead set in seriousness.

"What if... we gave it a try?"


	36. Chapter 36

For the later years of her childhood, she shied away from her sister.

Half way through adolescence, she left.

Why? Because she'd known just how much of a monster she was.

And then, in only a handful of seconds, Anna had done something utterly unexpected.

She'd tossed aside Elsa's worry, her regret and fears. She'd toss them aside as if they meant nothing, nothing at all.

And Elsa could only stare, unable to make her mouth speak the words her mind clung to.

Because all her life she'd fought to keep this, all of this from happening.

Anna shouldn't know her sister was corrupted in such a way. She certainly shouldn't embrace it.

Every instinct in the elder sister's body told her to move. To run. To flee.

It was the only thing she seemed to know how to do.

But shock, bafflement, kept her rooted in place.

Anna didn't have a clue what Elsa's reaction meant. Was it negative? It didn't appear so.

But it certainly wasn't positive, either.

Taking as deep a breath as she capable of in the suddenly thick air, she turned to face her sibling. She reached out for Elsa's hands.

Elsa could no more stop her than she could move. She let her hands be limply lifted, clutched.

Anna's grasp was tight, as if she was trying urgently to convey what she felt.

"Els? I... What do you...?" But she couldn't find appropriate words, instead biting her bottom lip.

Elsa watched in fascination, mind whirling uncontrollably. She watched Anna's teeth as they nibbled the redhead's lip.

Anna saw where her sister's gaze fell. But she misinterpreted it.

Sucking in a slightly uneven breath, she swallowed down her nervousness.

And she leaned forward.

Time seemed to stop. Elsa froze. She swore her very heart stopped, mind unable to distinguish what should and shouldn't be happening.

She watched her sister's eyelids drop down.

She watched her draw nearer and nearer.

Her own eyelids drooped, she held her breath. This was it.

How long had she envisioned this very scene? How many times had she watched it unfold in her head?

But...

A shaky breath escaped Anna, ghosted over Elsa's lips.

It was electric, shooting through her body and jump starting her brain.

There lips brushed.

Elsa jerked away.

Anna jumped, the action having been sudden and startling. She opened her eyes to find Elsa staring wide eyed at her.

"E... Elsa?"

The blonde swallowed, she was visibly shaking.

"I... I'm so sorry, Anna..."

Even through sheer pain, Elsa fell back into a routine she knew all too well.

She ran. Even with Anna's voice calling to her, burning into her conscious.

Her door slammed, and for the first time in forever, the lock clicked.

It was a wall of ice, built up to shield her sister.

She wouldn't let herself hurt Anna.


	37. Chapter 37

Anna stayed outside the door for most of the day.

At first it was try to coax the blonde out. Then, seeing her efforts were futile, just to talk.

She spoke of everything.

It only made the blonde feel that much worse.

But she couldn't bring herself to get up, to open the door.

Not until she heard shuffling behind said barrier and then the shutting of Anna's door across the hall.

She waited almost ten minutes before she slipped out, though quiet was harder to accomplish than she wished it to be.

After all, she was still supposed to be using crutches. Those crutches were downstairs.

But if Anna heard, she made no indication.

It was a brutally slow process, forcing her wobbling legs down each step. But she managed.

She bit her lip at the front door, five or so minutes later.

She felt bad for just leaving like this. Then again, everything she did had cause for regret.

Elsa grabbed her sister's keys from their resting place and headed out.

* * *

Belle hadn't seemed as happy for this "date" than normal.

Her usually bubbly persona fell away almost immediately, and she didn't lean into Elsa when they sat down.

Other than themselves and maybe one or two people, they were the only ones in the park.

Such an awkward presence hung in the air, clinging to the silence.

Elsa swallowed, knowing she needed to speak. She opened her mouth, but she didn't manage the words.

Because Belle suddenly stood, a look of mild distress contorting her features. She paced quietly for a moment.

"Elsa, I...I've been thinking an-"

She cut herself off, grimacing.

"No, I mean, I just wanted to..."

Her tongue struggled over the words, then completely stopped. She paused in her brisk walk to take a deep breath.

At last, she sighed. She looked back to Elsa.

"I... We both know something's been up," she started, slower.

She paused, biting her lip subconsciously and bringing a hand up to finger a stray strand of hair.

"You seem... more distant than you were even at the beginning of things. But no-"

"I can't do this, Belle."

The brunette froze in her awkward manner, eyes widening.

"Wha...? Are you... breaking up with me?"

Elsa looked away, a tightness in her chest. She felt like just one huge, heavy weight had been slammed down on her.

"I don't know what else to do," she breathed.

Belle seemed to analyze that response before sitting down. She reached tentatively for the blonde's hands.

"Elsa... please, we can... we can work thi-"

"No, we can't."

It was abrupt. It was final.

Belle's mouth opened but she couldn't speak.

"I'm sorry," Elsa murmured.

The words were genuine, but when she stood she still felt horrid.

It didn't make it any better when, as she began to walk away, Belle spoke up.

"I thought you were different..."


	38. Chapter 38

The street lights were calming in some way. The faint reddish glow they held was familiar.

She thought her conscious would be lifted, if only the slightest bit, after ending things with Belle.

It wasn't. If anything, she felt that much worse.

She drove around aimlessly for a while, but it felt useless.

She just felt... dull. Alive, yet not living.

How many people must she hurt before her pathetic self came to grip with reality?

There wasn't an escape. Except the obvious one, and, truthfully, she was just too uncaring to even try.

It would only hurt Anna in the long run anyways.

Not like she wasn't doing that enough as it was.

A light rain began to fall as dusk enveloped the town. Its pitter-patter against the window-shield was nice, quiet.

A welcome sight. For the world was still turning, things were still happening.

It was only her that seemed hellbent on being stuck, wedged in a space she needn't be.

After a bit, she cut on the radio. Her sister enjoyed older music, from the sixties and seventies, so it was what she listened to then.

It wasn't like she was even remotely aware of any of the songs that played anyways.

Her leg began to throb, dull and uncomfortable. She tried to ignore it but couldn't.

Sighing, knowing she'd have some explaining to do to a fuming Anna, she turned around.

The drive there was never long. On the contrary, in a town such as this, driving wasn't even necessary half the time.

But she felt each second that passed. They pressed into her, adding to that great weight that had been dumped on her earlier.

She felt crushed, but couldn't find a way to lessen her burden.

Not that she really cared to. After all, she felt she deserved it.

The engine sputtered to a halt when she clicked the key.

She leaned back in her seat, looking up at the house.

It was eerily quiet, but the living room lights were on as well as Anna's room upstairs.

Elsa wasn't sure if the fact Anna was still here made her more or less upset.

It was kind of a coin toss. On one hand, she was grateful Anna got over things so quickly.

And on the other... She felt if Anna was to kick her out, she'd rightfully deserve it.

But Anna would never do that to her, no matter what she did to her sister.

Was that a good thing?

It sure as hell didn't feel like one right now.

With a groan, Elsa managed to pull herself up and out the car, depositing the keys in her pocket. She retrieved her crutches from the back.

Each unsteady hobble forward made her wince.

But in a way, she was done.

She would take whatever anger strewn words Anna decided to toss her way.

But she was done fighting.


	39. Chapter 39

She reached for the doorknob slowly, barely turned it.

It was thrown open.

Elsa stood, surprised, as outraged eyes bore into her.

Anna grit her teeth, looked away.

"Where the hell have you been?"

The blonde sighed.

"Just out."

Anna shook her head. She turned back to her sister.

"Come on. Those probably suck to have to deal with."

Elsa complied, if only because she didn't care enough to dissuade the redhead.

She half hopped past Anna, heard the click of the door as she headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going"

There was a worried note, and when Elsa glanced back she saw Anna was hesitating.

She wanted to go to Elsa. But she wasn't sure it was the smart thing to do.

Then again... Was there a smart thing to do here?

The older sibling didn't answer, instead making it to the stairwell just to sit gently on the third step.

An unexpected huff of relief left Anna.

Not sure what else to do, she slowly made her own way over, but simply leaned against the wall.

She crossed her arms, tapping her fingers on her forearm.

"Elsa... I'm sorry. About earlier."

The elder didn't want to turn to this as conversation. But she had expected it.

"It's okay. I overreacted."

"Yeah, you kinda did."

Caught off guard, Elsa looked up to her sister.

"Oh... Well, you don't have to worry about that again."

"No, we don't."

Elsa's brow furrowed. "No?"

Anna shook her head.

"Nope. I'm sorry, Elsa... It was a stupid idea. And you have Belle anyways, s-"

"I broke it off with her."

Anna paused, something flashing across her features her sister didn't catch in time before it was gone.

"You did?"

Elsa nodded.

"Yes."

She watched Anna bite her lip, watched her think over that a second.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Today."

"Why?"

Why? Because she didn't want to just use the poor woman.

And that's what she'd been doing. In her own ways.

That wasn't the answer she gave though.

"Because I'll never be good enough for her."

Anna's eyes narrowed.

"Good enough for her? Elsa, she was the one who didn't deserve _you_."

It caught her off guard. She scoffed, clenching her fists.

"No, Anna. _I'm_ the one who's fucked up. _I'm_ th-"

Anna snapped, balling her own hands into fists and stepping to stand right before her sister.

"Stop fucking saying that! If you're fucked up then I am too!"

Elsa shook her head, forcing herself up so she towered above her sibling.

"No, you're not. You're not the one in love with your sister."

Anna groaned in frustration.

"You don't know anything, Elsa!"

She moved, faster than Elsa could react.

She stepped up, grabbing Elsa's collar and roughly pulling.

Elsa gasped as her head was drawn down.

It was cut off when their lips met.


	40. Chapter 40

In every romance story ever, they described a moment like this as being stand still-ish.

It wasn't like that at all.

On the contrary, nothing had ever seemed to pass by so fast.

One moment, Elsa was being tugged forward, where her mouth was claimed for only the briefest of seconds.

And then she was pushing away, instinctual.

She stumbled when her foot caught on the step behind her, and she fell back into a sitting position, wincing at the pain that coursed her leg and lower back.

Her lips tingled. And when she looked up at Anna, she felt blood rushing to her face.

Her hand came up automatically, fingertips brushing her mouth.

Anna just stood there, open mouthed, unsure what to do.

"What... Why?"

It was the only thing Elsa could ask.

Anna was the first to compose herself. She sighed and slowly kneeled down before her sister.

"You were always the smart one, Elsa. What do you think it means?"

She reached out uncertainly, aiming to take the blonde's hand.

Elsa shook her head and hugged herself, making sure her hands were out of reach.

"I don't know, Anna... I don't know..."

She looked so close to tears that Anna couldn't help retracting away.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, Elsa?"

The elder sibling shook her head and let out a shaky breath.

"No..."

She licked her lips, and for the briefest of moments her mind considered the possibility of Anna kissing her a second time.

But she shut all of that away, refusing to let her brain dwell on it.

Anna's expression grew serious as she inched forward again, and even with Elsa trying to pull away she placed a hand on her sister's thigh.

"I love you, Elsa. You know that. And I know you love me."

Elsa shut her eyes, gaze falling.

"But it's not the same..."

Anna huffed in pure annoyance, hands coming up to cup Elsa's face.

The blonde didn't react, and Anna leaned forward to nudge the blonde's nose with her own.

She noticed how tense it made her sibling, but she really didn't care at that moment.

"So you think I just kissed you for nothing?"

Elsa saw the logic Anna was trying to convey to her.

But she refused to accept it.

She turned her head, breaking free from Anna's touch.

"No... you can't feel that way, Anna..."

But her voice lacked any and all conviction.

She wanted to just wish it all away.

Anna wasn't having it.

She leaned forward and began peppering Elsa's cheek and temple with delicate kisses.

"I don't care," she mumbled in between each.

Elsa was rigid with something close to fear.

"Please, just let it go," Anna tried again.

Elsa let out a pitiful sob.

But then she turned her head, her hands came up.

She pulled Anna in, and kissed her.


	41. Chapter 41

Sleep eluded her. How could her mind shut itself off after that evening?

She felt small, lost to her own river of turmoil and spite.

Her lips retained that strange tingling, she could still taste her sister's mouth when she licked her lips.

For the longest time, she was lost within the notion that, maybe, it had all been her own thoughts.

But when she thought of Anna, just across the hall, she felt a tug at her heart.

She hated knowing it had happened in a way. The only reason she could think of for Anna returning her feelings was a dreary one.

She must have brainwashed her sibling.

Had she possibly done such a thing? She could never live knowing she had...

Elsa sighed into her pillow and shifted over onto her side.

Her thoughts were confusing. Not dark, per say. Just clustered.

She wanted to speak with Anna, but as far as she knew it was early in the morning.

Besides, what would she say? She couldn't ask Anna if she'd influenced the redhead. Wasn't like Anna would admit it.

And there wasn't even a guarantee she knew if she'd been influenced.

Gah, Elsa shut her eyes and shook her head.

"Just shut up," she hissed to herself.

Didn't help. Because her mind just threw something new into the mix.

Why should she even care? She was getting exactly what she wanted.

She had Anna, in some fashion. She could kiss her, hold her hands. Maybe even...

No, she wouldn't let herself go there.

Propping herself up on her elbow, she reached out blindly and felt along her nightstand till she felt her phone.

It was nearing two thirty when she cut it on.

Elsa bit her lip as she pulled up her messages with Anna.

It took several moments and multiple deletions before she finally talked herself into sending a text.

 **Hey, are you still awake?**

It took at least five agonizingly long moments before her sister responded.

 **Yeah. Wanna talk? I'll be over in a sec.**

Elsa read the message and felt like flames were licking at her neck.

 **No, can we just text?**

 **Oh, sure. What's up?**

The blonde paused. Now that she was actually talking to her sibling, she had no idea what to say.

 **Just... Are you really sure about this?**

The moment she had to endure before a response came in was agonizingly long and painful.

What could Anna possibly say?

But Elsa's screen lit up, and she hesitantly brought the messages back up.

 **Honestly? No, heh. But it's not stopping me.**

Elsa sighed.

 **This isn't a game, Anna.**

She didn't get a response that night. But Anna did answer.

There was note outside Elsa's door the next morning.

 **You're right. It's more a story isn't it? I'm trying to help with your happy ending, Elsa.**

Elsa couldn't help smiling faintly.


	42. Chapter 42

It was hard not to love the small notes she awoke to for the next week.

They were from Anna, after all, and they were sweet.

That was the only thing that changed between the two, though. Anna was.. a bit disappointed, but grounded in her notion it was okay. More or less, any way.

Elsa flat out denied it, even though she (secretly) kept the notes.

Everything was okay for the most part, and though Elsa turned her head when Anna went to kiss her, inched away when they sat together, she allowed small things.

Like hand holding. Anna was surprisingly a huge fan of that.

And flirty, sometimes snide, comments. They made her blush like mad, only encouraging the redhead, and she couldn't make Anna stop even if she threatened her.

But the holiday was growing steadily closer, a time Elsa both loved and hated. Anna just loved it.

And she had a plan.

* * *

The fourth of July. A time for celebration, both big and small.

The smell of burning charcoal grills and hamburgers wafted through the air, a fragrance both welcome and utterly familiar along this section of neighborhood.

Dusk was just around the corner, and out would come the blazing, blasting light of fireworks, not to mention children crazy for sparklers.

Elsa sat with her knees drawn up to her chin on the patio, listening to laughter and yells of joy from the kids of the block. They were all so active, so hyper. She wished she still had that type of energy.

Or could just walk without the help of those horrible crutches.

"Anna, what's taking so long?" she called into the open door, trying to make out any sounds from within.

There were none, and though she was curious, she just didn't have the motivation to get up and look for her sister.

So she laid her head back and closed her eyes, reveling as the last of the sun's gentle rays washed over her skin.

And then she heard it. The faint, but rather close, tapping of heels on wood.

She glanced up, squinting to see past the glare the sun cast upon the glass.

Her mouth dropped open.

Anna was never one to be self conscious. She knew she was beautiful, but never flaunted.

Until then.

She felt her neck heating up as she stepped up to the doorway, slightly awkward in the height of her heels.

Her dress was strapless, a dark swirl of greens, and dipped low in the front. It showed off the freckles littering her shoulders and upper breasts. And it stopped just short of her shins.

Elsa tried to swallow but couldn't. Something was clogging her throat, cutting off all air to her lungs.

She just stared.

Until Anna cleared her throat.

"Uh, wow," the blonde managed.

Anna smiled gently. "Glad you like it."

Elsa more than liked the dress.

But it was the body within it that had her utterly captivated.


	43. Chapter 43

The fireworks were louder than she remembered. Then again, she'd usually be at a party with Hans right now.

Anna shook her head of the thought and glanced over to her sister.

Elsa's face was hidden by shadow, but every time red, blue, or green would light up the area, she saw the blonde wasn't the least bit interested in the festivities.

No, her eyes remained glued to Anna.

Whether involuntary or inevitable, she couldn't be sure. But how could she not stare?

Anna reached out, hesitating only briefly before taking Elsa's hand. It was warm, it was soft.

She saw the way her sister swallowed nervously, couldn't help grinning.

"It's beautiful," she murmured quietly.

"Yeah, it is," Elsa breathed, but still her eyes didn't drift up.

They sat in silence, listening to the cheers and laughter that surrounded them. It was wonderful, the atmosphere light and comfortable for them both.

Anna nearly jumped when Elsa slipped an arm around her, but sighed into the touch offered.

"It uh," the blonde started before clearing her throat. "It's getting kinda chilly," she muttered.

It wasn't. In fact, it was rather hot tonight.

But Anna only smiled and laid her head upon the elder's shoulder. She was happy, and she knew her sister was as well.

That was all that mattered.

* * *

Nearly midnight before it got quiet and the lights stopped, before they slipped back into the house.

Elsa winced as she hobbled over the couch, sitting down gingerly as Anna went to get them each a cup of hot cocoa.

In a matter of minutes they were once more together, and Anna made it a point to cuddle against the older woman.

The blonde, though a blush coated her cheeks, only grinned and flipped on the t.v.

They settled for a late night cartoon, one of Anna's favorites it happened, and drank the warm chocolate quietly.

Anna looked up and giggled quietly after a few moments, unable to help herself.

Elsa returned the look, quizzically.

"What?"

The redhead rolled her eyes and motioned to the corner of her own mouth.

"You have some..."

Elsa's blush deepened and she quickly wiped at her mouth with her forearm.

"Better?"

Anna bit her lip, unable to hide where her gaze was. It didn't matter that the smudge of cocoa was gone.

"No?" Elsa asked, sounding out of breath.

Her younger sister only shook her head, smile lost now as her own neck heated.

She leaned forward, experimentally touching her lips to the corner of her sister's mouth.

Elsa forgot how to breath for the second time that day.

Her sister pulled back, hand cupping the blonde's cheek, thumb tracing lines on flesh.

"I want..." She didn't know how to finish the statement.

That didn't matter, because Elsa wanted it too.

She had all day.

She let her head dip down. Her mouth claimed Anna's.


	44. Chapter 44

Her lips were scolding, like red hot flames licking at Elsa's mouth.

And the blonde loved it.

Her hands came up, fingers twisting in locks of auburn, pulling her sister closer still.

Her mind screamed at her, but for once it was forced to the back of her conscious. With Anna consenting, with those heated kisses and pleasant nips, it was perfect.

At that moment, she wasn't the least bit ashamed to admit she'd fantasized this.

To have it be a reality, though...

Elsa groaned as she pulled away, caught off guard when Anna growled and tried tugging her back.

She let out a shaky exhale before she could speak.

"Anna... I-"

She made it no further before she was overwhelmed, and her senses seemed turned up, each touch to her skin electric.

She gave in.

Elsa skimmed her tongue over a luscious bottom lip, the redhead quickly parting them to allow entrance.

Her hands crept to her sister's bare shoulders, to her arms then holding her hips. How desperately she craved to kiss each and every one of those freckles, for them to be graced by the removal of their clothe barrier.

Anna's arms wrapped round her neck, body shifting to practically pin her in place.

That small body against hers was delicious, the way Anna moaned into their kiss made her ecstatic.

Pure, unheeded lust coursed through Elsa.

And then Anna moved wrong, brushing against her sister's knee awkwardly.

Elsa yelped against the redhead's mouth, breaking the embrace quickly, stunning the younger woman as she winced and pulled free of Anna's hold.

"I..." Anna didn't know what to say.

Elsa smiled, gingerly pressing fingertips to her kneecap. She winced when she found an area that was undeniably sore.

"It's okay. It didn't hurt that bad. Just the surprise I guess."

It was if a rubber band snapped in her mind as her gaze suddenly swirled back to Anna.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Anna beat her to it.

The redhead placed a gentle finger to her lips.

"Please, don't apologize for what just happened."

She looked afraid, unhinged, but smiled when she saw the worry in Elsa's eyes. Her sister cared, it was true.

And she did, too.

"I'm sorry I pushed. But it was the only way you'd do anything without over thinking it."

Elsa smiled gently. "Yeah, I know."

"Are you mad at me?"

A small chuckle sounded from the blonde as she wrapped her little sister in a hug.

Truth be told, it was the most uncomfortable thing she'd ever done.

She wasn't even sure if it was okay with Anna after what just happened.

But when Anna relaxed against her chest, she felt more peaceful, at least internally.

She placed a delicate, chaste kiss to the redhead's hair.

"No, I'm not," she murmured.

And for once... she wasn't even mad at herself.


	45. Chapter 45

It was hard. So hard to admit it.

But what was harder, was denying it.

After that night... There wasn't a reason to push away anymore. Was there?

And yet, she still worried.

They'd never be able to go public. They'd never be able to be normal. Did Anna realize that?

Did she think there was a way to change that?

Because there wasn't.

And yet... Elsa didn't fight any longer. She allowed the kisses, the casual touches.

She even allowed Anna to take her on a "date" provided there wasn't any funny business.

Anna agreed, their evening was lovely. And yet it bit at Elsa's mind like a rabid dog that night.

It seemed things were okay, but...

Sometimes outward appearances just don't do the story justice.

* * *

A setting sun drew them in, enveloping them in a lazy light. It was beautiful. The sky was a wondrous thing, colors ranging so immensely.

Anna leaned her head delicately on her sister's shoulder, snuggling closer when an arm wrapped round her waist.

She sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the last of the warmth before it darkened.

"This was wonderful," she murmured.

She was referring to the picnic, a small thing. A simple old blanket thrown down and a few sandwiches.

Elsa smiled gently and reached for the redhead's hand, bringing it up to kiss her knuckles.

"Yeah, it was."

She was okay with this. Outside of town. Outside of prying eyes.

Anna shifted and kissed her jaw, sighing quietly against her skin.

"What is it?"

Elsa frowned, glancing sideways.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you've been quiet. Like, not usual quiet. Not yourself."

Anna's eyes bore into her, as if daring her to lie. But the blonde wasn't completely sure she wanted to talk about it.

 _Back to that, huh,_ she thought to herself.

She bit her lip and leaned forward, forcing Anna to recline from her leaning position. She tugged at the end of her braid, considering.

"Are... I mean,..."

She cursed herself silently, huffing in impatience at no one but her own self.

Anna's hand came up to rub affectionate circles against her back.

"Come on, Els. You know you can tell me anything."

Elsa sighed and nodded, looking back at her sister.

"Is this even real, Anna? This... This whole thing seems..."

Anna didn't allow her to finish. She leaned forward and kissed Elsa's shoulder gently.

"Listen to me, Elsa. It is real. I'm here. And I love you."

She gripped at Elsa's hand, tugging her back. Then, she placed the hand directly to her chest, over her heart.

The motion made Elsa pause, a faint blush creeping to her face.

"Do you feel that? That beats just for you, Elsa. Will you accept that?"

Tears cut her off, and she smiled lightly. She felt the small pulse beneath skin.

She leaned in.

Her kiss was her confirmation.


End file.
